Onakasuitenai~!
by Momori
Summary: Kaede has things planned for Inu-Yasha,and the rest decided to mingle in the mess.Now things aren't going as expected.Can Inu-Yasha manage sustaining life? And can he and the gang learn to learn more and possibly love while mastering a new art?
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own Inu-Yasha or its characters (Miroku, Sango, Shippo, Kagome, Sesshomaru, etc.), SO DON'T SUE ME!! Inu-Yasha belongs to Rumiko Takahashi(and Viz).  
  
Author's note: I'm looking forward to feedback, since it's my first time writing. Hope you guys enjoy! And Lilfoxgirl, wherever you are, I hope you get to read this because I'm a big fan of yours! I talked to you over IM, and I'm not sure if you remember me. . .  
  
-_-;;  
  
*~* *~* *~*  
  
"Kaede-babaa, aren't you gonna start cookin' yet? I HATE it when you make me wait!!" Inu-Yasha just happened to be prodding the old woman with his finger while Kaede simply hid the expression of complete frustration painted on her face. She turned around to give him her motherly chiding look. "Look," she said. "You've been out slaughtering demons of your own kind throughout these past 5 months. . ."  
  
"That gives me all the more reason to get dinner old woman! Get on with it!"  
  
"And that gives me all the more reason to tell you for the tenth time. . .YOU OUGHT TO GO GIVE YOURSELF A BATH!! I THOUGHT KAGOME HAD GIVEN YOU THAT STICK. . . .now what's it called. . .deodorant or something?"  
  
"Keh, so is THAT what you use it for? Well if you're gonna sit there on your tomato to give me some stupid lecture I might as well eat you RAW!!"  
  
"YOU can talk! Why don't you go eat that 'deodorant' thing and see if you'll smell any better?!"  
  
"You think I'm smart enough to fall for that old woman? If I smell so funny to you, you should go to that barn and smell your horse's stinkin' #$%!!"  
  
"HA! If you're so hungry I bet you would've EATEN that stuff, heck, it smells more appetizing then YOU do!"  
  
"I'm NOT meant to smell appetizing you cannibal!"  
  
"Heh, I hope some demon comes along and decides to have YOU for dinner you puppy!"  
  
"What am I supposed to do about my scent MOM?! Take a bath?!"  
  
"Use your stinkin' head! I ought to throw you in that river with a horse load of herbs you smelly mutt! Get your sweat soaked butt over here NOW!!"  
  
"MAKE ME!!!"  
  
"And guess what you clever puppy, THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I WAS THINKING OF DOING!!"  
  
With that she gave Inu-Yasha a full blast head first with her mallet (which all female characters seem to have one) and smothered him with an endless amount of demon scrolls. "Kaede-sama what's all this noise?" Miroku came stalking out from who-knows-where. "Ignore it all monk. Our hanyou's been smelling unpleasant." She proceeded to binding Inu-Yasha to a tree. (By this time, he is conscious) "Don't listen to her! She's become cannibalistic! And while I'm at it, bring me some food-" He was then rewarded with a hard bap on the head, again making him UNconcious.  
  
"Hmm. . what to do with him monk? He never fails to trouble me."  
  
"He claims to be hungry, is he not?"  
  
"If he said so, I didn't hear it."  
  
(Here, Miroku gave a little -_-;;)  
  
"If it pleases you, I happen to have a plan." Miroku seemed to be grinning wickedly in his own little mind.  
  
"Go on monk, speak." With a evil glint in her eyes, the old priestess nudged closer.  
  
"This, Kaede-sama, is the plan. . . . ."  
  
*~*~*  
  
Inu-Yasha woke, not to find himself tied to the tree (like he was yesterday), but in the kitchen of Kaede's hut. His arms were still bound, and he felt utterly confused. "Great, why is it that I have this REALLY bad hutch that something bad's gonna happen soon. . .?" He stood up, and in a split second his jaw was hanging. He ran at the door (as you might expect, which was locked) screaming and cursing at those beyond the door. "Curse you!! You can't do this to me! NEVER!!" What caused our little Inu-friend to act this way? There was a sign on the door, posted with a demon scroll. It read:  
  
This is your home for the next month.  
  
What you choose to do with the provided ingredients on the floor is your choice.  
  
Inu-Yasha, feel the pain that I go through, even with these withered bones! Take my place in enjoyment, and I hope to see you alive once I'm back from my so-called, 'vacation' to Hokkaido. Bon Apetit!  
  
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!  
  
~Kaede  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Hohohohoho!! Do you like it? I'm not sure if you guys will think of it as "humor". ..perhaps if there was a section for "insanity" it might fit in there. ^_^;; Please R+R!! I'm waiting for feedback!! 


	2. sad to be lonely. .or maybe not. .

Disclaimer: Again, I DON'T OWN INU-YASHA OR ITS CHARACTERS! I don't wanna see ANY suing around here. . . .  
  
Author's note: "Onakasuitenai" is translated as "I'm not hungry" in Japanese. If anyone has any questions about the Japanese language, feel free to ask me! I speak fluently at home.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Inu-Yasha sat glaring at the door with his worst look of madness. This was one FINE situation he got himself into, and he had no way out of it.  
  
"Keh, so the old woman thinks she's won does she? Well if she ever DOES come back I'll cook her over a bon fire for all I care. . ." He turned his back to the door, his arms still tied.  
  
"But for now, I guess it's all I've got. . . "  
  
Scattered all around the room, he found himself a batch of scallions (called negi), a large Japanese radish (called daikon), a sack of sweet potatos (called imo), a huge bag of rice (as Japanese people call it 'kome' or 'gohan'), and also a small container of bean paste (used to make miso soup). There was also a wild duck quacking at him mercilessly while it ran around the room.  
  
"And what am I supposed to do with this. . .?"  
  
He prodded the duck with his thumb, and it big his finger so hard and it wouldn't let go.  
  
"AUGH! @#!?*&!!!!!!"  
  
"Quack!" SMASH!! "Quack!" SMASH!! "Quack!!" SMASH "Qua-" THUMP.  
  
He landed on it forcefully while sucking at his thumb.  
  
"That thould thut him up."  
  
For the next three hours he found himself moping in the corner, still sucking at his thumb while the duck was starting to come alive again under his hind. "quack. . . . ."  
  
"Thtupid Kaede. . .I'll get her for thith." So what if I can't cook? Once I'm full demon I'm gonna be eating my food raw anyway. . .but. . .I still feel stupid. I. . .I think I'm gonna cry. . . . . AND HE DID. He rubbed at his eyes till they puffed out red and bulgy. Curse it all. . . .  
  
"Awwee, is the little puppy feeling lonely today? Poor puppy." Miroku gave him a poppy face. "Would the puppy like a hug?" With that Inu-Yasha chucked the half-smashed duck at his face. The next five minutes was spent enjoyably watching Miroku bang his head against the wall to try to get the duck to lose the appetite for his nose.  
  
"Stupid duck! It's eating me alive!!"  
  
"That's what you get monk, you nearly made me paranoid. How'd you get here?"  
  
Miroku turned to face him, with the duck still hanging from his nose.  
  
"Wat? Did you say something?"  
  
The nasal voice and the condition the monk was in made Inu-Yasha look like he was about to self-destruct himself into laughter. It was amazing how he managed to get over it. (After 30 minutes, that is. . .)  
  
"I know this was YOUR idea Miroku. . ."  
  
All he got was a innocent look.  
  
"I just wanted to help the poor woman. Well now as you can see, your 'beloved' Kagome, as well as MY Sango cast me in here because I was doing something that appeared to be unexpected. . .;;"  
  
"Which was. . ?"  
  
All he got was an uneasy silence.  
  
"Alright, maybe I'd rather not know."  
  
"THAT, you are correct."  
  
"Well then, since this was YOUR idea, YOU ought to do some cooking."  
  
Inu-Yasha gave the monk an expectant look.  
  
"Who, me?"  
  
"Who else? The duck?"  
  
They looked at the stupid thing that was waddling around in circles.  
  
"Quack?"  
  
"I see your point." Miroku sighed as he turned to Inu-Yasha.  
  
"We might as well start the fire."  
  
Miroku picked up a log and a stick and began to rub them together. It finally flared up with a small flame. He looked around stupidly for assistance.  
  
"Now where do I put this?"  
  
He was two seconds away from placing the mini-torch to the floor when-  
  
"WAIT!!!!!!!!"  
  
Kagome and Sango came barging in (from who-knows-where) and both landed in a heap on top of the monk. Miroku, who obviously got distracted, didn't seem to be understand what he was doing and he-  
  
"STUPID JERK! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY PANTS?!"  
  
A small flame lit up Inu-Yasha's bright red pants and began to burn. Shippo crept out from the human heap and began to dance around.  
  
"Wheee! It's the pantsy dance!! Do your moves Inu-Yasha!!"  
  
Kagome managed to get to her immense backpack to withdraw her saucepan.  
  
"Inu-Yasha! Hang on, and STAY STILL!!"  
  
"WAAAH! GET AWAY FROM ME WOMAN!!"  
  
The two of them began running around the tiny room while Shippo continued with his 'pantsy dance' with Inu-Yasha.  
  
"Wheee! Do the twist! Do the twist!"  
  
Sango finally came back into conciousness and gaped at Kagome, who was knocking Inu-Yasha senseless with her saucepan in hopes to get the fire out.  
  
"Stupid, umph! Inu-Yasha! Hyaa! Arr, get back here! Shippo, help me!!"  
  
Shippo: "Whee, we get to have homemade hanyou for dinner!!"  
  
"Shuddup and get this fire out! How many people agree with kitsune-udon tonight?"(Kitsune udon = a certain type of Japanese noodals. I dunno why they have the name 'kitsune' in there.) The little fox began smacking Inu- Yasha's legs with a cute look of fear in his face. The fire was finally out, and now was time for serious thinking to do.  
  
"Alright, who's gonna cook?" Inu-Yasha looked around for any hands. None.  
  
"Inu-Yasha, this punishment was originally for YOU, so YOU ought to do the cooking!" Kagome looked at him like she was waiting for an answer.  
  
"Grrr, fine then. But let me tell you, I'M NOT GONNA HANDLE THE DUCK!!" Everyone looked at the duck, who again looked at then stupidly with a "quack" and began waddling again.  
  
"So, who gets to slaughter the duck?"  
  
  
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Yes yes, it's time for the duck to show up! How will our friends handle it? PLEASE R+R!! I need encouragement!!  
  
~Momori ^0^ 


	3. Step one: the slaughtering

Disclaimer: For the upteenth time, I DON'T OWN INU-YASHA!! Inu-Yasha belongs to Rumiko Takahashi (and Viz).  
  
Author's Note: Thanks to those who are reviewing!! I LOVE getting feedback. ^_^ And I hope my usage of Japanese doesn't confuse anybody. . .;;  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
  
"Duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, . . . . "  
  
"Miroku, just get ON with it!!"  
  
". ..duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, . . . . . ."  
  
The group was sitting in a circle, playing 'Duck, duck, goose' in hopes to choose who gets to slaughter the duck. The duck waddled in the middle of the circle, running around stupidly without a clue what was going to happen to him.  
  
"Look, this is insane. . ." Sango looked as if she was about to pop every vein inside her demon-slaying body.  
  
". . duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, GOOSE!!"  
  
Miroku snatched up the abandoned saucepan and smacked Sango directly on the butt.  
  
"AUGH! You JERK, THAT HURT!!"  
  
The two of them ran around the room in circles while the remaining three simply sat staring at the duck with glaring eyes.  
  
"Inu-Yasha, I know you're not willing to. . .Inu-Yasha?"  
  
"duck teriyaki, duck tempura, duck donburi, duck udon, duck, duck, duck, duck. . . . ."  
  
Inu-Yasha was drooling as he gaped at the duck. Kagome, realizing he was tranced, got shivers up her spine just LOOKING at him.  
  
"You didn't have dinner last night did you?"  
  
"DINNER? Where?"  
  
"*sigh* The things that I'm gonna go through for the next month . .. Are you two done yet?"  
  
In fact, the two of them were still playing tag with the saucepan and were not listening.  
  
"Looks like I've got no choice. Shippo, c'mere."  
  
Shippo obediently went to Kagome to be picked up in her arms.  
  
"Oh well, they're not listening, but I hope this will give them a clue. . ."  
  
She nudged closer to Inu-Yasha, and brought her mouth up to his ear.  
  
"OOOH!! Kagome, are you gonna kiss him??!!"  
  
With that Sango and Miroku stopped dead in their tracks and stared at her.  
  
"Shippo, forgive me. . ."  
  
Kagome knocked him out with a hard bap on the head. Sango noted that a few veins were popping. Kagome repeated the action and paused. She took a deep breath.  
  
"DUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Miroku: "Duck? Where?"  
  
Sango: "She means 'duck' you idiot!"  
  
She knocked him to the floor and she lay sprawled out. Inu-Yasha gave a delirious roar and charged at the duck.  
  
"Quack!"  
  
"DUCK!"  
  
"Quack!!"  
  
He clutched it by its neck and swung it in circles. He turned his back against everybody and a series of hazardous noises came from the feathered thing.  
  
"Quack. . quack.. . .queek! quack quackqquack!! Quaaaackk!!!"  
  
Piles of feathers swung out in every direction. Inu-Yasha finally got out of his trance and dropped his. .well. . antagonist. .as you might say. The 'antagonist' duck waddled around featherless.  
  
"Yeek! Get it out of my sight, it's NAKED!!"  
  
"WHO? WHERE??"  
  
Sango gave Miroku a hard time with her boomerang bone for that, as you might expect. Kagome rolled up her sleeves with a gleeful smile.  
  
"Alright Inu-Yasha, you know what to do next!!"  
  
"What?"  
  
She gave him a look that merely said, 'duh!'  
  
"Kill it!"  
  
"You expect me to kill that thing?"  
  
"How else do we eat it?"  
  
"Grr. . .fine . . c'mere duck."  
  
The duck glared at him from the opposite side of the room.  
  
"QUACK!"  
  
"Bring it on!"  
  
The duck charged at him, going directly for the throat. It's aim was true, and it fastened its beak right on the sore part of his neck.  
  
"AUGHHHH!! ITS AT IT AGAIN!!"  
  
"Stay still Inu-Yasha, I've got him!!"  
  
Kagome charged at the two of them with her oden pot (which is big, heavy, and is made from ceramic material).  
  
"NONONONONONO!! STAY AWAY FROM ME WITH THAT THING!! AUGH!!"  
  
The hopeless Inu-Yasha with the stupid duck on his neck ran around the room for the second time with Kagome and her oden pot hard at his heels. Miroku and Sango, as well as Shippo sat in the corner to observe.  
  
"I'll bet you two scallions that the vampire duck's gonna eat everybody here."  
  
"I'll bet you five potatos that Kagome's gonna cook both the insane dog demon AND the vampire duck with that oden pot!"  
  
"I'll bet BOTH of you Inu-Yasha's life that Kagome's gonna slaughter that duck!!"  
  
"DEAL!"  
  
"HEY! I HEARD THAT!"  
  
"Inu-Yasha DUCK!!"  
  
"Stupid woman! I KNOW THAT THE DUCK'S TRYING TO EAT M-"  
  
WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM!!!!!  
  
Kagome shut her eyes tightly together as she let the oden pot swing up and down on whoever she was beating.  
  
"Inu-Yasha. . .I'm sorry. . .;;"  
  
"Curse you. . .haaack. . ."  
  
"Quack?"  
  
Inu-Yasha lay sprawled on the floor with half a flat face and a duck sitting on his head.  
  
"Quack?"  
  
"That's IT duck, I've had ENOUGH of you!!"  
  
Kagome withdrew her houchou (a Japanese style cooking knife) and pointed it at the duck.  
  
"Inu-Yasha, looks like you're gonna have to trust me with my aim this time."  
  
He wasn't listening.  
  
"HYAA!"  
  
She threw the knife at the duck, the duck dodged it and let it sink into the floor right next to Inu-Yasha's head. Kagome withdrew five other houchous from hidden places in her clothing and continuously bombarded the duck with showers of them. As stupid as the duck looked, it still dodged all of them.  
  
"Damn duck!!"  
  
Right then, Inu-Yasha oustretched his arms to grab hold of the oden pot nearby. He lifted it and smashed it right on the duck, who apparently wasn't paying attention.  
  
". . .die. . ."  
  
". . . . quack. . .?"  
  
The duck at last fell motionless.  
  
"He did it! Inu-Yasha killed it!"  
  
Shippo looked at Sango and Miroku.  
  
"Ok, you can have his life now. She didn't kill it after all."  
  
Inu-Yasha's eyes popped open.  
  
"You wouldn't DARE!!"  
  
Kagome stood there holding Shippo with a dazed look.  
  
"So THEY won the bet eh?"  
  
"Yep!"  
  
"Well YOU ought to get some spanking! Don't you DARE bet on someone's life!"  
  
"Ooh, that's ANOTHER sign you LIKE him!!"  
  
Shippo looked at her gleefully.  
  
"Shuddup!!"  
  
Thus the day ended with a half dead, half flattened faced Inu-Yasha, a spanked Shippo, a happy looking Miroku and Sango, an exhausted Kagome, and triumphantly, a dead duck.  
  
"If you bet my life on a bet again, I'm gonna drag you to Kagome's world and sue you. . ." Inu-Yasha growled in his sleep. Shippo whimpered as he nudged closer to Kagome. "Is this what I'm gonna be facing for one month??"  
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Yes, I'm sorry to all you Shippo fans, I HAD to do something. . .and did you like this chapter? I'm not very certain if it's as funny. My humor level isn't as high today. I'm waiting for feedback!! R+R!! 


	4. Encounter with the artist chef

Disclaimer: I don't own Inu-Yasha or its characters. Rumiko Takahashi, as well as Viz owns it. I've said it, so don't sue. Blahblahblahblah. . . . . . .  
  
A/N: I'm doing EVERYTHING I can to make this story appealing so that more people will read it. . . . It's REALLY hard to write a story based on humor, especially when you're originally not good at it. . .But thank you to those who reviewed and enjoyed it!! I'm glad it pleased you guys!! ^_^  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Your move, Inu-Yasha."  
  
The newly slaughtered duck was pinned up on the wall with Miroku's hand. He gave Inu-Yasha a stern look.  
  
"I know you want to rid me of my cursed hand, but DON'T aim for it. It's the DUCK you're after."  
  
"I know, I know. .."  
  
Inu-Yasha grumbled as he picked up a handful of houchous. None of the group members had the heart to cut it directly, so they played it as a game of darts in order to cut it open.  
  
"Here it goes. . ."  
  
Inu-Yasha threw a shower of houchous, one missing Miroku's arm by an eyelash, and the rest digging into the wall by a hair away from the naked duck.  
  
"Damn!"  
  
"Inu-Yasha, STOP MISSING THE DUCK ON PURPOSE!!"  
  
"I'm not woman!!"  
  
He went over to the wall to pull out the houchous.  
  
"Heehee. ..Inu-Yasha it sounds like you're constipating when you're trying to pull those knives out the wall. . .you throw too hard .. . ."  
  
"Shuddup!!"  
  
Shippo had been constantly making fun of him, and he had just about had enough. But with Kagome around, he couldn't even TOUCH him. Curse that woman. . .  
  
"Let me give it a try."  
  
Kagome stepped forward with another batch of houchous. She aimed, and her knives went flying like a flock of birds. . ..with no sense of direction. One flew diagonally at Miroku, nearly slicing his head open. Another went for Shippo on her left, and consequently pinned him to the wall. The other two went for Sango and Inu-Yasha, one digging into Sango's boomerang bone by an inch, and the other slamming into Inu-Yasha's stomach, luckily, handle first. He fell over and started off with a series of moans.  
  
"Oooh, now he REALLY sounds like he's constipating. ."  
  
"Shippo, just shut up. .."  
  
"I believe he needs some CPR. ."  
  
Miroku examined him carefully.  
  
"Miroku! Kissy kissy!"  
  
Miroku gave Shippo a glare.  
  
"I'd rather not be reminded of the event, Shippo. Kagome-sama, a request that YOU do it."  
  
"Oh, alright. . ."  
  
Everyone seemed to be surprised that she had taken over the job, but their expressions changed as they saw her lift an airtank out of her immense backpack. All their thoughts went towards: oo, so THAT'S why her backpack's so big. . . She placed the pipe into Inu-Yasha's mouth, and began pumping air.  
  
"Good heavens, I suggest you stop Kagome-sama, he looks like he's bloating!!"  
  
"Alright."  
  
"Shall I work on a forgetting spell so he'll have no remembrance of what occurred?"  
  
"That will be fine, Miroku-sama."  
  
Miroku placed a spell on the slightly bloated Inu-Yasha. His spell seemed to have worked.  
  
"Oooh, I don't feel so good. .."  
  
Kagome had a guilty look on her face.  
  
"Uh. ..gas pills or laxatives?"  
  
"Oh, shut up. .. "  
  
"How about orange juice?"  
  
"No. . ."  
  
Kagome took his hands in hers and gazed at him.  
  
"I hope you feel better soon. . ."  
  
He blushed beet red and hid it all with a simple 'keh'. Then, there was a immense gust of wind inside the room, and an immense white boa appeared. It spoke with a deep voice.  
  
"I've come, Inu-Yasha. . ."  
  
They stared at the fluffy mound in front of them.  
  
"Did I summon a cotton demon in my sleep last night?"  
  
All he got was a series of shaking heads.  
  
"Fool! It is I! You brother Sesshomaru!! And I've come to fight you!"  
  
"Oh have you? Let's see your 'sautéing skills!!"  
  
He withdrew his Tetsusaiga, and chucked a potato at him. His brother made a sweeping motion, letting the potato fall into neat cubes.  
  
"I said SAUTE! NOT DICE!!"  
  
"I don't give a damn!"  
  
"Fine then! I'll show you!!"  
  
He tossed another potato in the air, swinging the potato as it came to waist length. He held it up to behold, a smiley face carved in the middle!  
  
"HA!! You can't do THAT can you?"  
  
He received a smirk from Sesshomaru, and braced himself as he saw him take up a scallion. Five seconds passed, he threw the scallion at him. It was the mere image of a sickly man, dressed in a scallion leaf kimono and a Mohawk. It gave a meek smile.  
  
"Looks just like you, sir artist. . ."  
  
"Shut up. . .YOU try. . ."  
  
"He slices! He dices! He serves sickly men!!"  
  
"SHUT. UP!! You haven't seen my best attack yet!!"  
  
He sunk himself into his boa, releasing a whole bunch of crunchy noises.  
  
"I swear, he's gonna drown in that mound of fluff if he doesn't stop sticking it in the dryer everyday. . ."  
  
A muffled voice from inside the boa screamed at him.  
  
"SHUT. UP!"  
  
He finally came up, breathlessly holding up an onion dressed in red potato peels. It supposedly was an image of Inu-Yasha.  
  
"HA!!"  
  
"HEY!!"  
  
Inu-Yasha held up the bulky radish, throwing it up again and making a variety of movements with his Tetsusaiga. It appeared to carve out an image of Rin, the little girl Sesshomaru had been carrying around.  
  
"Hope that look satisfies you Sesshy, I don't wanna insult your GIRLFRIEND!"  
  
"BASTARD!!"  
  
He charged straight at him, Inu-Yasha quickly dodging his attack. He hit the wall, cutting the duck open in a snap.  
  
"Ewweee. . ."  
  
The observers looked in disgust. Sesshomaru reached for a handful of rice, stuffing it up the duck's body. He chucked the corpse at Inu-Yasha, who again, dodged the attack. The duck landed as a heap on the floor. Sesshy then took up the remaining potato peels and flung them in his direction. With the dodge, the peels landed on the duck, covering it completely. With a piece of string from his boa, he took up a pair of scallions as numb- chucks. Inu-Yasha sautéed these in seconds, causing them to adorn the duck with a fantastic touch.  
  
"Gee, not bad for a guy. . ."  
  
Sango and Kagome observed Sesshy's skills as he battled. Miroku couldn't help feeling a hint of envy. The three of them could tell this demon brother was getting frustrated, and gasped when he clutched the two-hundred pound of rice by the handle.  
  
"I've had enough of you twirp! You're SUCH a PEST!"  
  
"I've had enough tag with that insane woman! I'm not gonna deal with you swinging a rice bag at me you mutt!"  
  
Kagome growled at Inu-Yasha from he spot. It clearly said that she was going to lynch him after this fight. Sesshomaru gave a roar and charged. He flung the rice bag in every direction, stupidly and blindly. Inu-Yasha charged as well, but slipped right past him, clutching Sesshy's precious boa.  
  
"NNO!!"  
  
"HA!! I KNEW you'd fall for it!"  
  
"THAT you're mistaken, little brother . . ."  
  
The boa seemed to enlarge in size, and it enveloped Inu-Yasha completely. From inside, observers could hear muffled insults coming out.  
  
"This smells like roses! What do you use? Cologne de Mutt?"  
  
"NONE of YOUR business!"  
  
Inu-Yasha popped his head out.  
  
"Heh, looks like we don't have much to worry 'bout now. You've treated us to dinner!"  
  
He grinned victoriously at the 'pre-made' duck, looking fabulous.  
  
"Oh really? We'll see about THAT. . ."  
  
He withdrew Tetsuseiga, the sword left for him by their shared father. With the sword he swung it at the duck, and behold, it rose! Live and well, but looking delicious.  
  
"Quack?"  
  
They stared dumbfoundedly.  
  
"HA!! Enjoy your plate, monsieur. HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!"  
  
"Sesshomaru! I'll get you for this!! Remember I have your precious baby!! I'll cook this fluffy crap and you'll see how wrong you were! Come back you BASTARD!!"  
  
Sesshy was already gone, and not much could be done.  
  
"That jerk. . .Miroku. . .kill it will you?"  
  
Miroku gave him a, 'oh no, not again?!' look, and went to do his chore with much complaint.  
  
"So, I guess we're starting over. . ."  
  
  
  
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WEIRD chapter, I know. . .I'm not too fond of it. . .I think it's just not as good, but just to get through this writer's block, I hope this'll do. But don't forget to R+R!! I appreciate it!! 


	5. Rhythmic beats and hazards

Disclaimer: I repeat, I don't own Inu-Yasha or any of its characters because Rumiko Takahashi and Viz owns it. How many times do I have to say this to make a point? Excuse me? Hello?  
  
A/N: THANK YOU REVIEWERS!! LOVE YOU ALL! Always remember that I take in criticism as well, so feel free to give me some if you've got any. I wanna please all readers here. . .^_^  
  
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"Kagome, how do you work this thing?"  
  
Inu-Yasha sat in front of the old fashioned rice cooker.  
  
"You see that container on top? You wash the rice and put it there. Then you make a fire in the oven thingy under it and let it sit while it cooks."  
  
"Right. I'm not doin' it."  
  
"That's what YOU think. . . ."  
  
Kagome lifted the electronic, modernized rice cooker from her world threateningly. It was quite pointless to have it if you had no place to plug it in. . .;; Inu-Yasha growled and went to work. Shippo bounded right next to him.  
  
"You're making the fire aren't you?"  
  
"What do you think, twirp?"  
  
"I wanna see you do the pantsy dance again!!"  
  
All he got was a hard smack.  
  
"Dang!"  
  
"That's what you get."  
  
Kagome turned around to chop the rest of the vegetables. But she got distracted when she saw Miroku having a feverish discussion with the delicious-looking-yet-still-alive duck in the corner.  
  
"Quack, quackquack. . ."  
  
"I see, I didn't realize what you had gone through."  
  
"quack quack, quackquack quack. . ."  
  
"You poor soul, I shall lift your wishes up in prayer. . ."  
  
"Miroku-sama are you finished?"  
  
Miroku looked up to find Kagome glaring down at him, as if she were some ogre about to eat him.  
  
"I shall get to right away ma'am. . ."  
  
"good."  
  
For the second time, Kagome's attention got distracted to find Shippo sitting in the center of an array of broken up parts of the electronic rice cooker. He was happily stirring up a smooth beat with his hands. Sango, beside him did a little dance.  
  
"Not bad, Shippo-chan!"  
  
"Thanks Sango!"  
  
It was a bad choice, because that complement had given Miroku the worst idea known to man. Behind her, Kagome could hear wailing. . .or WAS it wailing?  
  
"When somebody looves yooouuuu, it's no gooooood unless he looovees yoooouuuuu, aaaalllllllll thhe waaaaaaayyyyyyy. . .!!"  
  
All action was stopped here. Miroku singing? It was unheard of, or rather it wasn't NECESSARY to be heard. . . Him and his homemade instrument made of a bowl used to put in a electronic rice cooker with strings from Sessy's boa to strum across.  
  
"Tallllerrrr, then the taaaaalllest treeee issss, that's how it's got to gooooo-"  
  
CLANG!!  
  
The next moment, Miroku was seen with Kagome's saucepan jotting across his head and the wailing duck stuck in his instrument.  
  
"quaaaaak.. . . "  
  
Surprisingly enough, Kagome say Shippo with his veins popping and standing with a trembling body.  
  
"Gosh, that sounded even worse then Inu-Yasha's constipating moans, damn it!"  
  
"Why you little. . ."  
  
Inu-Yasha rose to teach him a lesson when he received another pot in his face.  
  
"Not bad Shippo-chan, where'd you learn to aim?"  
  
Sango complemented him from behind.  
  
"Thanks Sango, but I'm not as good as you yet!"  
  
He proceeded with his drums. This time, Sango used her Hiraikotsu (translated as boomerang bone) to join along in the beat. Kagome found herself tapping the knife down rhythmically as she chopped the potatos. Miroku sat in the corner struggling to get the duck out of his instrument.  
  
"Enough Shippo, we ought to settle this!"  
  
Miroku rose in a challenge. And with his little voice, Shippo accepted.  
  
"BRING IT ON!!"  
  
Both set to work on setting up pots and pans to make their own drumsets. Then an unpleasant feeling caught Kagome. Smoke? She could hear Inu-Yasha coughing. She ran to his side to help him.  
  
"Inu-Yasha! Are you alright?'  
  
"Yeah."  
  
He looked up to see her concerned expression and blushed again, for the third time.  
  
"Kagome, I hadn't realized how much you worried about me. . ."  
  
He took her hands in his, and gazed deeply into her eyes. Kagome could feel heart beating uncontrollably.  
  
"I-Inu-Yasha. . .?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"W-What's that smell?"  
  
He hadn't realized it until he snapped back into realization. He had just gotten the fire going, and had been kneeling right in front of the oven. . .not to mention that the sparks had reached his pants and had started burning. . .;;  
  
"YEEAAAUGH!!!!"  
  
He leaped up in a frenzy, making such a commotion that the furious dual between Shippo and Miroku had been paused for the moment.  
  
"HE'S AT IT!! HE'S DOING THE PANTSY DANCE!!"  
  
Shippo quickly began beating at a fast paced rhythm to match Inu-Yasha's 'elegant' movements. Miroku joined in without hesitation. Kagome and Sango clapped to the beat.  
  
"This could be a custom. . .or even traditional, wouldn't you say?"  
  
"Sure, why not? I mean, this the what, second time?"  
  
"Enough to be traditional."  
  
"Exactly."  
  
"IDIOTS!! GET THIS FIRE OUT!!"  
  
Inu-Yasha tried batting the fire out himself, but his baggy sleeves got in the way and were also set on fire.  
  
"DAMN IT!"  
  
Maybe if I smother it. . .  
  
Inu-Yasha then took his flaming arm and sandwiched it between his legs. He pulled his arm out, looking fine and unharmed. He sighed with relief.  
  
"There, I-"  
  
He looked down, only to find a VERY UNCOMFORTABLE spot aflame like never before. He could see the eyes of everybody observing gaping exceedingly unpleasantly at him.  
  
"YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Having no choice, he beat it out using everybody part available, but mainly his hands. He beat the flame out till he felt sore. Even with the fire out, the observers couldn't help staring. The females eventually had to look away. Luckily, the flame hadn't burnt a hole through any of his clothing. Shippo began clapping.  
  
"ENCORE! ENCORE!!"  
  
"Shippo-chan, DON'T SAY THAT!!"  
  
"BUT THAT'S WHAT YOU CALL ENTERTAINMENT!!"  
  
"We have our reasons Shippo-chan, please listen to Kagome-chan here."  
  
Sango picked him out tenderly and hugged him. But she still kept her eyes out of Inu-Yasha's view. Kagome continued turning her back to Inu-Yasha.  
  
"Is it safe to look yet?"  
  
"Kagome-sama, I suggest you help him immediately. . ."  
  
Miroku finally spoke after a long time staring. Kagome turned around only to find Inu-Yasha sprawled out on the floor twitching madly. His precious red pants were burnt in ahem some places. . .  
  
"Inu-Yasha!! Daijyoobu?" (translated, 'are you ok?")  
  
There was no response.  
  
"Oh well, looks like we're gonna have to do something about his pants before we go any further. I don't want anything ahem bad happening."  
  
"I agree. Let me go ask the village people for a needle and thread."  
  
"Thanks, Sango-chan."  
  
Shippo added the last comment.  
  
"Now THAT was traditional!! It should be a custom!!"  
  
"Shippo-chan, shut up."  
  
"But it SHOULD!"  
  
  
  
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Hehehehehehehehe, let me tell you readers, this is a true incident. ^_^ I'm not saying anymore. . .Please R+R!! 


	6. Miroku's Ordeal

Disclaimer: Inu-Yasha is owned by Rumiko Takahashi and Viz. Gosh, this is getting annoying. . . .grrrr. . .  
  
A/N: Thank you reviewers!! I see we now have people who find my story odd. Well let me tell you now, IT'S MEANT TO BE. So don't give me funny looks. . .^-^'' And I'm glad people are giving me their opinions! It's nice to know what readers are thinking while reading. Keep on reviewing!!  
  
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Sango just couldn't find herself falling asleep. No matter how hard she tried, even her usual sleeping position could lure her to sleep. Perhaps she was just feeling uneasy with Miroku sleeping two feet away. . .impossible. . .she slept like this for the past few days, why would she feel uneasy now? She sat up, leaning against the wall behind her to look out the small window in the room. The moon was full in its phase, and all she could hear was the breathing of her companions.  
  
". . .Sango. . ."  
  
She jerked in surpise.  
  
". . .Miroku, you were awake?"  
  
"It's hard to sleep when a beauty beside me is having trouble sleeping."  
  
He sat up next to her, and gave her a careless grin. She couldn't do anything but blush. Man, that grin always got to her. Curse him. He put an arm around her shoulder and drew her closer to him. Sango could feel herself tensing up.  
  
"I wish we could have this kind of private time more often. . ."  
  
She gave him a glare.  
  
"Don't you be thinking dirty thoughts you pervert. . ."  
  
"No, no. . .of course not. . ."  
  
They sat there for a while. She could feel herself fidgeting . How is it that this monk can sit still like this for so long? Does he do yoga or something?  
  
"Sango, I wish I could tell you. . ."  
  
Her heart was beating so fast, she couldn't resist nudging closer to him. He felt so nice to sit next to and lean on. Could she be falling for him? She leaned her head against his shoulder. He pulled her into an embrace.  
  
"Truly, I wish I could tell you. . ."  
  
". . M-Miroku. . ."  
  
She could feel herself melting. She slowly closed her eyes.  
  
"H-How do I say this?"  
  
"Say what?"  
  
There was a really long, uncomfortably uneasy pause.  
  
"I-I think I'm stuck. . ."  
  
She pulled herself away from him.  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
"Sshhhhh!! You'll wake everyone!"  
  
"You're stuck?! Meaning. . . ."  
  
"Seriously, I can't move. . . "  
  
Creeping up slowly, she stood up and stood before him. She took his hands and pulled, but he was, indeed, stuck to the floor.  
  
"What did you do? Bolt your butt to the floor? Or did you eat a bowling ball for dinner?"  
  
"Sango, please. . ."  
  
She couldn't help feeling upset about ruining the romantic scene she was about to go through. . . She sighed and leaned her back against his side, and finally began to push.  
  
"Uurrrgh. . .it's. . .I mean, YOU'RE not moving. . ."  
  
"I know. . .I figured it won't work with a woman's strength . .. I MEAN. ."  
  
Sango suddenly had a deadly look on her face.  
  
"You're saying I'm WEAK?!"  
  
"NO, NO!! I MEANT. . ."  
  
"Let's see who's WEAK buster! Get ready to have you're butt kicked!"  
  
She stood up to get her Hiraikotsu (boomerang bone) and stood over him. He began whimpering.  
  
"Sango. . .please. . ."  
  
She stuck a corner of the bone partly beneath his hind, and began pushing down on the other end like a lever.  
  
"Oooh, Sango that hurts my thigh!"  
  
"You deserve it weakling."  
  
She pulled out the bone and stood back as far as possible.  
  
"If I miss, it's not my fault."  
  
"SANGO! NO!!"  
  
His holler woke everyone up. Sango lifted her bone, and threw it.  
  
THUNK  
  
Miroku passed out. It went over his head by an inch.  
  
"Gee, I didn't throw so hard. It even missed him. He's weaker then I thought."  
  
"Sango, what's going on?"  
  
Kagome still had shock written on her face. First comes Inu-Yasha's flaming pants, then it's the duck ordeal, and now there's Sango about to behead her 'beloved' monk? Sango just gave her a small smile.  
  
"He's stuck. . .literally."  
  
As if right on que, Inu-Yasha pulled out his Tetsusaiga.  
  
"Right Inu-Yasha, we're not going to do any 'pay back' stuff tonight. Put that sword away NOW."  
  
He growled.  
  
They spent the night trying to set Miroku's butt free of the floor.  
  
"If he's gonna be stuck like this, he's gonna be walking around the streets with a whole ROOM bolted his hind. Let's see if THAT will get him any women. . . ."  
  
"Inu-Yasha, that wasn't nice."  
  
"Keh."  
  
Finally, Inu-Yasha proceeded with pulling his arms and legs.  
  
"He looks like as if his limbs are gonna fall off."  
  
"If he's gonna walk around limbless, it's all the more better for us women. Let's see if he can touch someone's butt using his head without anyone noticing."  
  
Sango gave a smirk.  
  
"Oooh, bad image. BAD image. . ."  
  
Kagome covered her eyes. Sango gave a laugh. It was all interrupted with a loud-  
  
RIPP!  
  
Miroku lay limp in Inu-Yasha's arms.  
  
"I got him free, but. . .this doesn't look too good."  
  
There was a great big hole where his hind was in his robe. The patch of his robe lay glued to the floor. Luckily, VERY luckily, there was another layer beneath the top robe, but there was a tear along the middle.  
  
"Well THAT ain't gonna get him any women."  
  
"Can we fix that before we do anything? I'm getting REALLY uncomfortable just LOOKING at that tear. . ."  
  
"Right, let me go find that needle and thread."  
  
"But that thread was red, remember? Since we used it to sow up Inu-Yasha's pants."  
  
"Well, he's gonna have to live with a red stitch along his butt. It's better then having a tear in its place, if you know what I mean. . ."  
  
"True. VERY true."  
  
"Right then, let's get started."  
  
Kagome withdrew a pink bath towel with the word 'Angel' embroidered in hot pink from her backpack and handed it to Inu-Yasha.  
  
"It looks like you're gonna have to be the one to take off his clothing and put this on him."  
  
"Why me? And of all things, why did you have to choose something so 'feminine'? I thought you'd find it pleasant doing that jo-"  
  
He received twenty smacks for that comment, from both women each. He set to work, and did it hastily. While Sango and Kagome worked on stitching up the tear, Inu-Yasha had managed to wrap the pink towel around Miroku in the Greek princess style. Within seconds they heard a holler.  
  
"WAAAAUGH!! PINK! 'TIS THE COLOR OF EVIL! I'VE BEEN BRANDED AS AN ANGEL IN PINK! GOOD MOTHER OF WOMEN, WHAT HAVE I DONE?!"  
  
He'd been pretty shaken up by the incident, and it took some time for Inu- Yasha to calm him down while the girls finished up their handiwork. It had taken a few minutes longer, since they had done a special surprise. . .that was not meant to be noticed by their client. The monk had never bothered to notice that a single word had been embroidered over his bright red stitch. In glowing hot pink read: 'Angel' in place of the stitch in pure memory of the stupid incident.  
  
As for that 'hind ordeal', Shippo had been rummaging through Kagome's backpack the other day, only to find an interest in her arts and crafts glittery superglue, and had spilled it the previous day and had never bothered to clean it up. Of course, they never found out, because Shippo didn't bother telling them either. What else did he find in the mysterious backpack? That, we'll find out soon. . . .  
  
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Muahahahahahahahahahahahaha, WEIRD chapter. Call it odd if you must. If you like odd stories, R+R!! ^-^ 


	7. Plenty of comfort but. . . .

Disclaimer: Inu-Yasha belongs to Rumiko Takahashi and Viz. Need I say more?  
  
A/N: Hi again! Long time no. .uh. . write? Or is it read? Whatever. Thank you to reviewers! ^-^ I've been getting good encouragement. I've now changed the secondary genre to some romance, so prepare for some cute stuff. Don't worry, I don't go too far. I just wanted to spice this thing up a bit. One promise: I DON'T write lemons, limes, and any 'icky stuff' as I call it. Why else is it PG? I just did that for the language. -_^  
  
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". . .fifty-eight, fighty-nine, sixty, sixty-one. . . ."  
  
Inu-Yasha sat tapping his foot against the wood floor.  
  
"Shippo, there possibly CAN'T be that many potatos. . . "  
  
"Of course there is! Kaede just sent ten more bags of 'em!"  
  
"Well, maybe you just can't count!"  
  
"Uh uh! I can count better then you!"  
  
"I don't wanna go there twirp, c'mere!"  
  
They chased each other around for a few times, while knocking over the dozens of potatos lying around the floor. Miroku sighed sadly as he saw his potato pyramid collapse on top of Kirara, who was nibbling at one of the potatos on the bottom.  
  
"Mew!"  
  
"My apologies there, Kirara."  
  
"Mew. . ."  
  
He picked her up and placed her on his lap, letting her purr as he stroked her.  
  
"Sango?"  
  
"Yes, houshi-sama?"  
  
"Remember last night?"  
  
"I-"  
  
They were interrupted by a big crash of bodies and potatos. Both demons lay sprawled out on the floor, twitching madly. Shippo immediately sat up and began to wail. Inu-Yasha simply sat up and leaned against the wall. He felt a slight pain on his chest, and took off his upper layer of clothing, then the next revealing his bare chest. There was a small splinter right above a small scar on his chest.  
  
"Keh."  
  
But his eyes opened wide as he realized that the scar the splinter had settled upon was one that he had nearly forgotten. It was the scar of Kikyo's arrow that had pinned him to the Goshimboku tree. Such memories flooded him with dread.  
  
"Kikyo. . ."  
  
He didn't know what to do. Although he had loved that woman long before, he couldn't feel himself experiencing the same emotion he had for her at the present. That emotion had been directed somewhere else, in another direction. In the direction towards none but Kagome. Yet guilt over powered him, since he knew that Kikyo's love for him couldn't have changed over time, although she was long dead. He was enveloped in confusion. He couldn't sit there and ignore it, since it was certain that Kagome would notice. He could feel tears welling up. He buried his face in his knees and fell silent. Kagome suddenly looked up from taking care of Shippo, and a look of full concern filled her face. But then she looked at the little kitsune again, and seemed to be unable to decide. Help the crying Shippo, or the crying Inu-Yasha?  
  
Crying Shippo? Or crying Inu-Yasha?  
  
Crying Shippo? Or crying Inu-Yasha?  
  
She looked back and forth at the two of them in complete indecision.  
  
Oh whatever!  
  
She left Shippo in Sango's care and stalked over to Inu-Yasha.  
  
"Inu-Yasha. . .daijyoobu?"  
  
There was no response. She slowly detached his face from his knees, and while he quickly looked away to hide his tears she noticed the splinter in the spot that held many memories.  
  
"Inu-Yasha. . .tsurainone. . ." (translated as: You must be suffering)  
  
She leaned over to him and took him into an embrace. She could feel his tears wetting her shirt. She didn't know exactly what it was that he was crying about, but she basically understood. What both of them didn't know was three other presences behind them approaching.  
  
SMACK!  
  
Inu-Yasha jolted up from his position and glared at the kitsune who was clinging to his head. He had given Inu-Yasha a big kiss between his two dog ears and was now grinning at him sheepishly. He was even blushing slightly.  
  
"Are you ok?"  
  
Inu-Yasha sweatdropped.  
  
That was meant as a comfort, not an insult. Yet, he didn't know whether to thank him or kill him. Sango gave a small smile.  
  
"You could probably consider that your first kiss, Inu-Yasha."  
  
"SHIPPO!!"  
  
He charged at the little kitsune, who by this time started panicking.  
  
"I meant it as a comforting kiss, NOT a lovey-lovey thing like you're gonna do with Kagome someday!!"  
  
With that, Inu-Yasha blushed beet red and restrained himself. Miroku approached from behind.  
  
"Hey, we're all friends are we not? Come Inu-Yasha, here's a hug from me!"  
  
"NO! NEVER!!!"  
  
Miroku outstretched his arms as wide as possible, and Shippo did the same. Both charged at the hanyou from two opposite directions.  
  
"NONONONONONONONO!! NO HUGS FROM MEN! GET AWAY!"  
  
Miroku jumped him from behind, and Shippo clutched at his leg, causing them to land in a heap on the floor with Miroku giving poor Inu-Yasha a hard time with his bear hug, and Shippo pinning his leg down to the floor with all his furious little strength he could give out. The two girls chuckled as the torchuring pair puckered their lips as the hanyou thrashed madly under the weight.  
  
(Moments later. . . .)  
  
Inu-Yasha and Shippo were getting the duck ready for the cooking. And once that was ready, there were now adorning the duck some more with the multitude of potato peels. Shippo stuck one in his mouth so that it hung out, as if he had a lizard tongue.  
  
" ^Q^ " (face with mouth wide open with tongue hanging)  
  
Inu-Yasha then took two more peels and covered the kitsune's eyes with it.  
  
"Get to work, twirp. I'm hungry."  
  
"BLEEAH!"  
  
Shippo spat the potato peel at his face and chucked a handful of others down Inu-Yasha's shirt.  
  
"What the- AUGH!"  
  
Inu-Yasha squirmed around the floor, trying to rid himself of the wiggly potato peels crawling on his back.  
  
"CURSE YOU!!"  
  
He grabbed the fluffy tail in front of him.  
  
"I've got you NOW!"  
  
"Wait, WAIT! I have an idea for the duck!!"  
  
"Which is. . .?"  
  
(Moments after the duck was cooked)  
  
"Ta-daaa! It's done!"  
  
Shippo happily presented the plate of duck to the awaiting three.  
  
"Wow, looks great!"  
  
Kagome broke up her chopsticks (since they were disposable) and waited patiently as the others did likewise.  
  
"Wow, that duck looks great! All those potato skins, scallions. . .and. . .what's that thing sticking out on top?"  
  
"Oh that? I found that in your backpack Kagome! I figured it was edible so I thought I might as well. . .right Inu-Yasha?"  
  
"Ya, sure. . ."  
  
"How nice, I wonder what it could b-"  
  
She reached out to grab it and as she slowly pulled it out she released a high-pitched scream that nearly shattered everyone's eardrum.  
  
"Geez woman! What are trying to do? Make us deaf?"  
  
"MY TAMPON! YOU USED A FRIGGEN TAMPON!!!! OH MY GOSH, YOU USED A TAMPON!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"And is that a good thing?"  
  
Kagome chucked the roasted tampon at Miroku, who had been brave enough to ask the innocent question.  
  
"Mou! I'm gonna be back in my world for a moment!"  
  
She stood up and marched towards the door, but she walked into it head on and was immediately repelled back.  
  
"What the-?"  
  
She went at the door again. This time, it repelled her with a greater force that she went flying into Inu-Yasha, who had his chopsticks raised to dig into the duck. There was a long pause.  
  
"That says a lot. . ."  
  
Miroku was examining the door.  
  
"It looks like Kaede sent a spell from Hokkaido."  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"She sent a barrier spell to seal the door. It looks like she doesn't know that we're in here with Inu-Yasha."  
  
"What does it all mean monk?"  
  
"I-err. . . "  
  
"Well? What is it?"  
  
"I don't really want to-"  
  
"SAY IT!"  
  
Kagome had her sledgehammer raised at this point. Miroku gulped and bravely spoke.  
  
"We're stuck here until Inu-Yasha's one month punishment is over. . . ."  
  
"WWWWWHHHHHHAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTT??????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
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Uh, oh! Things aren't looking good for the gang is it? ^-^ R+R!! Also readers, do you remember the song that Miroku sang in chapter 5?  
  
"when somebody loves you, it's no good unless he loves you, all the way. . . ."  
  
And so on and so on. Just as a disclaimer, that song is originally sung by Celine Dion and I THINK the dubbed voice of Frank Sinatra. OK? Hope you liked this one! 


	8. An obsession with rice crackers

Disclaimer: Grr. . .the more I say it, it makes me want to own it more. . .Inu-Yasha is owned by Rumiko Takahashi. (And Viz)  
  
A/N: So how's everybody? And you like this story? Well, do you? I hope so. I was wondering if you guys liked how I changed the secondary genre into romance. I wasn't so sure in the beginning. I figured I could use it as a filler genre when I'm drained of my humerous ideas. ^-^'' Hey, you can't help having writers block!!  
  
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"I can't stay here. . .I can't stay here. . .oh my gosh, there's going to be an APOCOLYPSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Gosh, just get over it will you?"  
  
"NEVER!!"  
  
"WHY?!"  
  
"I'VE GOT AN EXAM THAT'S GOING TO BE HELD IN 24 HOURS!! I SWEAR, THINGS ARE GONNA GET HAIRY FOR EVERYBODY IF SOMEBODY DOESN'T LET. ME. OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Kagome paced around the room restlessly while the others scrunched up in the corner covering their ears from her shrill yells and rants.  
  
"Monk, WHY did you have to say it?"  
  
"Was it MY choice? Well noooooooo, I would have gotten a split head if I didn't say the damn words, isn't that right Shippo?"  
  
He nodded. Sango gave the monk a glare.  
  
"Stop swearing in front of the poor demon will you? You're a bad enough an influence already!"  
  
"Hey, that hurt. . ."  
  
"I don't care. Staple your lips or I'll slice 'em off."  
  
"Yes ma'am. . ."  
  
After some time, Kagome finally sat herself down next to her backpack.  
  
"Well, if I'm gonna miss the exam, I can always think up of an excuse."  
  
Here, she gave Miroku a deadly look. He returned an innocent one.  
  
"What?"  
  
She looked away and busied herself with her immense backpack. She lifted up a pack of rice crackers. (In Japan, they're called 'osembei', and they're REALLY yummy and addictive.) She munched on one and held up the sack.  
  
"Anyone want one?"  
  
Shippo ran into her lap and took one from the package. He began nibbling at it, and then devoured it in an instant. He reached into the package for another one.  
  
"Yummy. . ."  
  
Inu-Yasha stood up and squatted in front of the two of them. He tugged at Shippo's cheeks.  
  
"Awwe, little foxy's gonna be all cute and tubby now isn't he?"  
  
The kitsune chucked the remaining of his cracker at Inu-Yasha's face, in which it stuck onto his cheek and eventually fell off. (The crackers are grilled in soy sauce, so when it warms up you can say the soy sauce starts to kinda melt and gets sticky.) Inu-Yasha picked up the cracker off the floor and bit into it. A surprised expression spread on his face.  
  
"Thummy. . ."  
  
"What?"  
  
He swallowed down the rest.  
  
"I said, 'yummy'."  
  
"Oh."  
  
Shippo pouted up at him.  
  
"That was MY cracker!"  
  
"Well YOU threw it, I eat it."  
  
With a angry look on his face, Shippo stuck his hand in the package again and pulled out another cracker. He stuffed it whole in his mouth. He proceeded glaring at Inu-Yasha. Taking up the challenge, Inu-Yasha took two from the package and stuffed them both down his throat. Shippo managed three, then Inu-Yasha four. The kitsune proceeded with five, Inu-Yasha six. How Shippo managed seven, no one will know, but he did. Inu-Yasha was one the verge of stuffing eight while Kagome sweatdropped in the corner.  
  
"My. .my crackers. . ."  
  
There was a sudden uproar.  
  
"I've had enough! Gimme those crackers!"  
  
"They're MINE! Kagome gave them to me!"  
  
"She offered you ONE twirp!"  
  
"I don't care! She doesn't seem to either!"  
  
"I don't give a #$%@ about what she wants! I want what I want!"  
  
"Too bad for you puppy! I'm eating 'em! Go eat the rest of your dead duck for all I care!"  
  
"What do you expect me to eat? The bones? Or your brain? Gimme 'em!"  
  
"NEVER! DIVIDE AND CONQUER!"  
  
There were suddenly seven Shippos running around in circles.  
  
"HA! THAT ONE!! THE ONE WITH THE CRACKER BAG!"  
  
Inu-Yasha lunged at him, but missed. Shippo taunted him from the corner while crunching another cracker deliciously.  
  
"MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE!"  
  
Shippo waved the last cracker at the furious hanyou and disappeared. Inu- Yasha shot his leg out and out of the blue, Shippo appeared sprawled on top of the empty cracker bag (who appeared to be tripped). Everyone saw the last cracker soaring through the air, sparkling in the sunlight and looking luscious.  
  
"MINE!"  
  
"NEVER!"  
  
The two demons threw themselves into the air, reaching desperately for the cracker in slow motion, when suddenly both of them were repelled by a giant, fluffy object. Could it be. . .  
  
"SESSHOMARU!!"  
  
Sesshy stood between the two demons lying on the floor with the precious cracker in his mouth.  
  
". . crunch. . ."  
  
"NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Inu-Yasha again, lunged for the cracker sticking out of his brother's mouth, but landed on Kagome who had been sleeping throughout the spectacle. He hastily got off while Kagome had a dazed look on her face.  
  
"THAT. WAS. MY. CRACKER!!!!!!!"  
  
"Says who? Crunch."  
  
He growled at his antagonist.  
  
"And what in the heavens are you doing here?"  
  
"I came back for my precious baby-"  
  
He hugged his boa close to him.  
  
"-when suddenly I found a cracker in my mouth exactly where I landed. . ."  
  
Shippo was whimpering for his cracker.  
  
"*sniff* I couldn't even give it a funeral. . . "  
  
Inu-Yasha rolled his eyes.  
  
"Big brother, you owe me a cracker."  
  
"Says who? Gulp"  
  
"ME!"  
  
Sesshy dodged the flying Inu-Yasha.  
  
"Curse you!"  
  
Sesshy suddenly had a panicked look on his face.  
  
"Well, I'm just gonna have to say tata for now-"  
  
"SESSHOMARU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Sesshy froze.  
  
"N-Naraku!"  
  
Naraku appeared before all.  
  
"SESSHOMARU! YOU STOLE MY LAST BATCH OF WASHING MACHINE DETERGENT DIDN'T YOU?!"  
  
"NO! No, of course not!!"  
  
"I KNOW YOU DID! GIVE IT BACK!"  
  
"Fine! I took it! But I'm NOT gonna give it back!"  
  
"I KNOW you're just going to waste it like last time! Your boa does NOT need any more fluffing! Just because I didn't let you borrow some this time doesn't mean you can steal it!!"  
  
"FINE! Then give me back my dang wardrobe!! JUST BECAUSE YOU KEEP ON CREATING NEW BODIES OF YOURS DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN USE MY CLOTHES! I COUNTED LAST NIGHT, AND I FOUND FIVE PAIRS OF BOXERS MISSING!!!"  
  
"Haha! If you want them back, com get 'em!"  
  
"Curse you Naraku, give me back my boxers! I TOLD YOU NOT TO TAKE THE ONES WITH BLUE STRIPES YOU JERK!"  
  
In an instant, both were gone in a wisp of boa and deadly gas.  
  
"Dang, Sesshy got away with the last cracker, but not NEXT time!!"  
  
The two remaining demons glared up at the ceiling with fists balled. For the last time, it all ended with one last hollar.  
  
"SESSHY!!!! YOU OWE US BIG TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
^-^'' Need I say more? Sesshy with boxers? Naraku with washing machine detergent? Of course not, it's just part of my story. Who knows WHAT they had for underwear back then! Hope you like it! 


	9. Ramen? I think not. . .

Disclaimer: Rumiko Takahashi and Viz own Inu-Yasha and all of its characters. (I won't bother saying anymore)  
  
A/N: I watched episodes number 68 thru 72 in Inu-Yasha last night. ^-^ It was REALLY fun. Though I must admit, most of the filler episodes are composed from pure boredom, or complete insanity. But I find them hilarious! Hehehehe. . . anyway enjoy the fic!!  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Inu-Yasha, like I said, I CAN'T DO IT!!"  
  
"OF COURSE YOU CAN! I'LL BUST YOU OUTTA HERE!"  
  
"YOU THINK? DID THAT PEA BRAIN OF YOURS BURST IT'S BUBBLE? WHY DON'T YOU GO TRY BEING ZAPPED BY DEMON SCROLLS, OR EVEN BY A BARRIER CONSTRUCTED BY ONE OF THE STRONGEST PRIESTESSES KNOWN TO MAN?!"  
  
"I'M NOT THAT WEAK, CAN'T YOU SEE THAT?!"  
  
"PROVE IT THEN!!"  
  
"FINE!"  
  
Inu-Yasha pointed his Tetsusaiga at the door, and lunged at it with full force.  
  
"YEEEEAAAAAAA!!"  
  
"Inu-Yasha, OSUWARI!!"  
  
THUNK  
  
"MAKE UP YOUR MIND! DO I NEED TO PROVE TO YOU I'M NOT WEAK, OR ARE YOU GOING TO ADMIT IT?!"  
  
Kagome sighed, looking immensely frustrated.  
  
"Look, I'm not going to go all the way back to my world just to fetch you a pack of RAMEN!!"  
  
"WHY?!"  
  
She looked at him as if saying 'duh!' and began pointing and waving at the door sealed with demon scrolls and Kaede's barrier.  
  
"Don't you realize the fact that I CAN'T?!"  
  
"I DON'T WANNA ADMIT IT!"  
  
"WELL TOO BAD! NO RAMEN FOR YOU!!"  
  
With that, Inu-Yasha went to the corner and began sulking.  
  
Che. . .no ramen. . .no life. .. grrrrr. . .  
  
"Sango-chan, will you help me with the rice? I'm going to start the miso soup."  
  
"Alright Kagome-chan. Do you still want me to try using that. . .that thing?"  
  
She pointed innocently at the electric rice cooker, in which it was still in a gazillion parts.  
  
"Uh, I think not. Use the kamado." (thing to cook rice in the old days)  
  
"Kagome-sama, and I?"  
  
Miroku appeared behind her back. She winced, but was relieved that both hands were at his sides.  
  
"If you don't mind, can you help Sango with the kamado? She might need some help making the fire."  
  
Sango gave the poor monk a deadly look that said no other than, 'I'm no weakling.'  
  
"That's alright Miroku-sama, I can handle it on my own."  
  
"No Sango, I insist. . ."  
  
"NO."  
  
Miroku hung his head and walked away.  
  
"Is there anything else I can do?"  
  
"Uh, sure. How about chopping the scallions for me?"  
  
Shippo had been watching Inu-Yasha moaning for his ramen in his sleep.  
  
"It's about time those two paired up, but their stupid and stubborn minds won't make up! How odd. . "  
  
The group had settled down to take a nap while the water slowly began to boil above the tiny little fire Sango had managed to brew up. Shippo sat next to the sleeping Kagome and began to think.  
  
"Poor Kagome. I bet it's hard for her to get used to life over here. She even mumbles about being clean in her sleep. . poor Kagome. . ."  
  
Right then and there, Shippo thought of a plan. . .that for you readers should probably know that this wouldn't be a good thing. It was time to play,"matchmaker."  
  
He started off with a bowl, filled it with water, and gently placed Kagome's flowing hair into it.  
  
"I wonder if she's got anything to clean hair with. . .a girl like her's no good without clean hair. . ."  
  
He went off to rummage around in Kagome's backpack. Meanwhile, Inu-Yasha was dreaming.  
  
"mmmm.. .ra-ramen. . .grumble grumble. . ."  
  
He began to crawl around the room, his nosed pressed against the floor as if scenting something.  
  
"sniff sniff.. . .SNORT."  
  
That made Shippo jump.  
  
"eeeek!"  
  
He turned around, only to find Inu-Yasha sprawled out on the floor, inches away from Kagome with her hair in the water-filled bowl, with a piece of scallion shoved up one nostril.  
  
"SNORT, SNORT, SNORT!!"  
  
"Uh oh. . ."  
  
Heh, that stupid Inu-Yasha. He should've known that you'd suck crap up your nose if you snuff the floor too hard. . .;;  
  
Shippo thought quick, and looked for anything useful. He took out a strange object from the immense backpack, and began examining it.  
  
"Urrr. . ."  
  
He turned it towards InuYasha, and with a click a bright light shone in the face of the hanyou. Luckily, he didn't wake up.  
  
"whhaa?"  
  
Shippo looked at the object. Nothing wrong.  
  
Oh well, looks like it's no use.  
  
Since the lord snorts were beginning to stir the group, Shippo quickly withdrew a toothpick from Kagome's backpack, and gently prodded the piece of scallion in Inu-Yasha's nose till it fell out.  
  
"Ugh. . ."  
  
Shippo quickly flicked it away and continued rummaging around in Kagome's backpack. What he didn't realize was that Inu-Yasha's dream was still continuing.  
  
"Mmmm. . .good. . soup. . ."  
  
The hanyou began crawling again, inching towards the bowl containing Kagome's silky black hair in water. He grabbed hold of the bowl, drawing it closer to him.  
  
"I-Itadakimasu. . ." (What people in Japan say before eating a meal. Translated: I will now accept this meal.)  
  
He opened his mouth and dipped it in the water, releasing several sucking noises.  
  
"Sluuuuuurp. .. "  
  
Shippo turned around in a panic, seeing Inu-Yasha with his mouth in the water. He could see that already several of Kagome's hair was being sucked into Inu-Yasha's gaping void.  
  
"Nononononononono!!!!!"  
  
He ran at Inu-Yasha, only to be mistaken for a fly and swatted off. Inu- Yasha proceeded slurping at the water. In his mouth, he could feel strands of smooth hair swimming around. He began to chew.  
  
"Mmmm. . .sluuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrpppp. . ."  
  
Finally, Kagome's eyes began to flutter.  
  
"Mmmm?"  
  
She turned her head, only to find Inu-Yasha lying next to her slurping at her hair in some sort of water filled bowl.  
  
"YEEEAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
She slapped him full force across the face, throwing him across the room and into the door. She feverishly began caressing her poor hair, being chewed up at the ends by the hanyou's sharp fangs.  
  
"JERK!!!!!!!"  
  
He began mumbling.  
  
"Mmm. . .why does it hurt to eat such food. . ..mmm. . . ."  
  
"OSUWARI!!"  
  
THUNK  
  
It took some time to get Inu-Yasha up again. He hadn't recalled the incident.  
  
"You jerk!! You ate my hair!!"  
  
"LIES! ALL LIES!!"  
  
"I'M NOT LYING!!"  
  
"YES YOU ARE!"  
  
"NO I'M NOT!"  
  
"YES YOU ARE!"  
  
"NO I'M NOT!"  
  
"SHUT UP, BOTH OF YOU!!"  
  
Sango finally broke up the hysterical two. Shippo clutched at Miroku's robe, trembling out of his wits.  
  
"Shippo, what's wrong?"  
  
"NOTHING! ABOSOLUTELY NOTHING! POSITIVE!!"  
  
Surprised at his reaction, Miroku backed off.  
  
"Alright, if you're sure. . ."  
  
"YES YES, I'M SURE!!! VERY!"  
  
"Oh, alright. . . .;;"  
  
Thus the day ended.  
  
After some miso soup, Kagome began telling everybody about some things in her world.  
  
"I'm going to work at a photo shop once I'm old enough, so I've gotta keep practicing. That's why I brought these!"  
  
She displayed her photo developing kit. She held up her camera and began to describe the steps you had to do in order to develop each picture as she did them. The group was now waiting for the last picture to develop.  
  
"There we go. . .it's almost there. . ."  
  
Suddenly there was an outburst. You could hear Inu-Yasha's eruption out of all the noise (mainly made up of everybody's laughter). It openly showed a close up of Inu-Yasha's sleeping head, with a piece of scallion shoved up his left nostril.  
  
"WHHAAAATTTT?!!!"  
  
Sango, Miroku, and Kagome were rolling on the floor in heaps of tears, they couldn't help holding them back. It really WAS too funny.  
  
"I'M BREAKING THIS THING!!"  
  
"NONO! NOT MY CAMERA!!"  
  
"COME GET IT IF YOU WANT THIS SERCRET REVEALING THINGAMAGIG!"  
  
"Aaah, so this was all a SECRET eh Inu-Yasha? What are you hiding?"  
  
"YAAAH, GET AWAY!!"  
  
Shippo sulked in the coner. So much for his 'matchmaker' game. . .  
  
  
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Teeeheee. . .I find this one funny. Thanks to Chibiukyo for the "snuffing" idea. ^-^ R+R!! 


	10. Apples, litter, and more crackers. . .

Disclaimer: I am unfortunate enough NOT to own Inu-Yasha (which is owned by rumiko Takahashi and Viz) so let's continue on, shall we?  
  
A/N: Hi again! Alrighty, who's in favor for some waff? Well, considering there's no one around at the moment, I'll just say that everyone's in favor. Ok with you? ^-^'' Don't worry, insanity will forever be in every chapter.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Inu-Yasha, what's wrong with my face?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
Kagome had finally noticed Inu-Yasha staring at her from the corner.  
  
"Why are you staring at me? Do I have a new pimple on my forehead or something?"  
  
Inu-Yasha shook himself. He looked around, only to see Miroku, Sango, and Shippo taking a nap peacefully in the sunlight coming from the only window. The only ones awake were the two of them. Now was his only chance.  
  
"Kagome. . ."  
  
He walked to where she was leaning against the wall, studying for her exams.  
  
"Inu-Yasha. .?"  
  
He looked directly into her eyes. He could see her pupils glazed into her chocolate brown eyes growing larger as his face neared closer to hers.  
  
"Kagome. . ."  
  
". .Inu-Yasha. . ."  
  
His lips were inches away from hers. He slowly closed his eyes expecting to feel her soft flesh when-  
  
CRUNCH  
  
"Mmm?"  
  
He opened his eyes, startled, to find a giant apple in his mouth.  
  
"Good yes?"  
  
Kagome smiled sweetly at him. He nodded vigorously.  
  
"You were hungry again weren't you? I figured. You eat that while I finish up my studies, k?"  
  
He slouched next to her. Dang. . SO CLOSE. . .  
  
"At second thought.. ."  
  
Kagome turned to him and opened her mouth. A giant question mark floated above Inu-Yasha's head. Her face got closer to his.  
  
'DANG, if this stupid apple wasn't in the way-'  
  
Then he felt his head push against the wall, because of the force from the other side of the apple. Kagome had bitten into the apple from her side. It was an interesting scene, the two of them eating off the same apple at the same time.  
  
munch munch  
  
Kagome pulled the apple out of Inu-Yasha's mouth (rather forcefully) and dug in.  
  
"Mmm. . .sweet!"  
  
"Hey, you gave that to ME!!"  
  
"Well, I take it back."  
  
"Ooooh, no you don't! MINE MINE MINE!!"  
  
"Osuwari."  
  
THUNK  
  
"Traitor. . ."  
  
She grinned wickedly at him and proceeded eating. Thus, it ended Inu- Yasha's last attempt to confess to his 'beloved' Kagome.  
  
  
  
The next day, Sango started the day off with a dirty rag, and some wax. She cleaned the floor till she thought she'd be blinded when the sun glanced off the glassy-looking wood. Miroku woke up with a jolt, and leapt up overjoyed to find Sango awake, and no one else. He leaped up in a standing position then landed back on his poor buttocks with a loud thump.  
  
"Ooooh. .false start. . .FALSE START."  
  
"Oh shush. . ."  
  
Once everyone was up and going, Kagome stalked over to her backpack.  
  
"We could use some cleaning in here. I hate all this dust!"  
  
She lifted up a battery-powered vacuum cleaner. Shippo immediately got curious.  
  
"Oooh, whaddat Kagome?"  
  
"Just watch Shippo-chan."  
  
She turned on the switch, and it released a boisterous burp and started off. Inu-Yasha shrieked and leaped into Miroku's arms, princess-carrying style.  
  
"AUGH! I HATE men that clutch onto me!!"  
  
He dropped the poor hanyou with a thump. Inu-Yasha whimpered and scampered around in circles. Shippo had the same reaction, and was running around with him. The two collided head to head and repelled each other.  
  
THUNK  
  
THUNK  
  
"Owweeee. . . "  
  
"Oooh. . .*sniff*. .WAAAAAHH!!"  
  
Inu-Yasha staggered up and fell on top on a full-sized Kirara. He still had the power to speak.  
  
"KILL IT KIRARA, KILL IT!!"  
  
Kirara had been pacing around the room a few times, and seemed to be restless. She obeyed his orders and lunged at Kagome, who shrieked.  
  
"KIRARA, NO!!"  
  
Kagome dropped the vacuum cleaner and was now clutching a mammoth kitty- demon in her arms. Her knees seemed to be giving way.  
  
"Urrr.. . heavy. . .hmm? W-What's that smell?"  
  
Sango suddenly blushed.  
  
"Ooh, I should I have known. . ."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Kirara tends to get kinda restless when urrr. . ."  
  
"She gets restless when what, Sango-chan? Hurry, before I die holding this thing! My, she's quite a bowling ball butt isn't she? Did you feed her concrete for breakfast?"  
  
"What's concrete, Kagome-chan?"  
  
"Wait, forget that. Tell me what happens when she gets restless!!"  
  
"Well. . .she tends to get restless when she's in desperate need of a kitty litter. . ."  
  
Sango turned her back to Kagome in embarrassment. There was a long silence.  
  
"So you're saying. . ."  
  
"Kirara went poddy on Kagome-sama?"  
  
Sango blushed even redder and nodded. There was suddenly an explosion. Kirara suddenly went soaring into the wall, Kagome screaming behind.  
  
"CAT PEE!! I HAVE CAT PEE ON MY CLOTHES!!"  
  
The floor began to rumble.  
  
"W-What's going on?"  
  
Shippo went to the window and hollered.  
  
"I see something! Something's heading at top speed!!"  
  
Shippo suddenly fell over and landed with a thump onto the floor, from the over flow of rice crackers perpetually flowing from the small window. Inu- Yasha went wild.  
  
"CRACKESR!! CRACKERS EVERYWHERE!!!!!!"  
  
He dove for them, one by one. Soon enough, the ocean of rice crackers was up to their heads, and there were literally swimming through it. Inu-Yasha rejoiced by himself, throwing handfuls of crackers in the air like confetti.  
  
"CRACKERS!! WHEEEE, CRACKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Suddenly, a whisp of boa flew in, and above their heads floated Sesshomaru. Inu-Yasha's private rejoicing frenzy suddenly turned into a growl.  
  
"SESSHOMARU!!"  
  
Surprisingly, he smiled sweetly at the all of them.  
  
"I TOLD you I'd pay you guys back!"  
  
"Sesshomaru, what trick are you playing on us?"  
  
Miroku shouted up at him.  
  
"There IS NO trick! See for yourselves!"  
  
Inu-Yasha munched into one. He grinned.  
  
"Yummy!"  
  
Sesshomaru turned back to Miroku.  
  
"See? What did I tell ya?"  
  
"Sesshy, aren't you feeling a bit perky today?"  
  
Sesshy flicked his hair away from his face.  
  
"Ah, it seems you have noticed Kagome. I just happened to wash and dry my boa today."  
  
He lovingly hugged his boa close to him. A horrendous voice suddenly rang ou.  
  
"SESSHOMARU!!"  
  
"Oh my, I should leave. I'll be back someday."  
  
"Sesshy!"  
  
Sesshy turned to Inu-Yasha, who's eyes were glistening and beaming.  
  
"I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU, BELOVED BROTHER!!"  
  
". . indeed. . ."  
  
With that, Sesshy disappeared. Then, along came Naraku in a haste.  
  
"Garr, he's escaped me again! Hmm? What's this?"  
  
Naraku scooped up a handful of crackers and bit into one.  
  
"Hey, not bad for a jerk like him. . .I'll add it to his 'owe Naraku' list."  
  
He withdrew a five-mile long scroll and wrote it down. And with that he disappeared. They could still hear him calling.  
  
"SESSHY!! LIKE I SAID, I GAVE YOU BACK YOUR PUPPY-PRINT BED SHEETS!! NOW GIVE ME BACK MY TEDDY BEAR OR I'LL SUE YOOOOOUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Kagome sighed.  
  
"What now? And where's Shippo?"  
  
They called out for him within the ocean of crackers, but they couldn't hear a response.  
  
"AUGH!"  
  
"Inu-Yasha! What's wrong?!"  
  
"Something bit me!!"  
  
Shippo poked up his head.  
  
"Ugh, worst cracker I've ever tasted. I could've sworn they didn't use enough soysauce. . ."  
  
"Why you little. . ."  
  
"WAAUGH!! WHAT DID I DO?!!"  
  
The rest chuckled at the two. As for the crackers, what now?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
^-^. . . .well? What do you think? If I don't get reviews, I'm stoppin' people! Alright? I'm rather fond of the combination of Sesshy and puppy- print. Weird, but kinda cute. Anyway, R+R!! 


	11. Encounter with Buyo

Disclaimer: Rumiko Takahashi (and Viz) owns Inu-Yasha. I'm PRETTY sure that you all know that I don't own it by now, right? Sigh And yet I continue writing it. ..  
  
A/N: Hi everyone! Again, long time no write! It's finally nearing to the end of the school year, and some mean teachers are cramming for preparing the stupid finals. AUGH! But that ain't gonna stop me from writing, so chins up everyone! ^-^ Of course, I don't have as many fans as the other stories, but I'll keep writing for my fine reviewers! Anyone who's reading, R+R!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Sesshy, plllleeeaaaassseee??"  
  
"No."  
  
"why?"  
  
"BECAUSE."  
  
"Because WHAT?!"  
  
"BECAUSE."  
  
"JERK!!"  
  
"You call me a jerk?"  
  
"You deaf?"  
  
"NOW you call me deaf?"  
  
"IN YOUR FACE!!!!!!!!"  
  
Kagome pouted and turned her back to Sesshy. He was just paying another visit.  
  
"I don't understand WHY you won't go to my world just for THREE seconds to go and fetch JUST A FEW THINGS for me!!"  
  
"YOU ACTUALLY THINK I'D DO IT?!!!"  
  
"I WAS PRETTY SURE YOU'D DO IT IF I OFFERED A FREE FACIAL!!!!!"  
  
"JERK!! I'M NOT THAT. . .THAT. . .FEMININE!!!!!!!!"  
  
The rest of the gang had weird looks.  
  
Sango: What in the seven demons is a manicure? Some sort of food?  
  
Miroku: Such oddness. . .is it even meant to be pleasurable?  
  
Inu-Yasha: Heck, whatever it is, if it's edible, I'll eat it. . .  
  
"Sesshy, you'd LOVE a facial!!"  
  
"NO I WOULDN'T, WHATEVER IT IS!!!"  
  
"HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT IF YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT IT IS?!!!"  
  
"I DON'T CARE!!! I REFUSE TO PLAY FETCH FOR A MORTAL!!!!"  
  
"I'M NOT A MORTAL!! Actually, I am. . . BUT I CAN SEE SHARDS!! HA! NOW YOU SEE I'M NOT NORMAL YOU IGNORANT MUTT!! I'M. NOT. NORMAL!!!!!"  
  
Sesshy pouted and hugged his boa. Seeing shards was a talent HE didn't have. . .  
  
". . .WHAT exactly is it that you want me to get?"  
  
She smiled triumphantly.  
  
"A few of my books, pencils, pens, clothes, boombox, CDs. . ."  
  
"Can we say ENOUGH?"  
  
"Oh shut up. . ."  
  
"Look, I'm expecting a reward, got it?"  
  
She grinned at him.  
  
"I know."  
  
  
  
So then after. . . .  
  
  
  
  
  
Sesshy felt his feet touch the hard ground on the other world.  
  
"Hmph. Why in the world am I doing this?"  
  
He looked up the well. It was PRETTY high. . .  
  
"Now what? How to get OUT?"  
  
He began to climb the tiny ladder along the wall, but all his dang armor and boa thumped him down to the ground again. HE mumbled curses at all the hells and began climbing again.  
  
" huff huff . . .Stupid. . .long. . .ladder!!"  
  
THUMP  
  
"Damn it!!!"  
  
For the third time, he attempted climbing the dinky thing along the wall.  
  
"*huff*. . .last. . .step. .!!!"  
  
"Mreeeooowww??"  
  
"Damn, I'm on the verge of taking the LAST step, and NOW I find out there's a COW in this stupid well!!"  
  
Some sort of large ball of fur came suddenly lunging at Sesshy's face and landed on it. Sesshy nearly choked himself to death. The big ball of furry lard was filling his whole face, thus not letting any air pass through.  
  
"MMMMPPPHH!!"  
  
THUMP  
  
"CURSESSSS!!!!!!"  
  
He rubbed his sore head and turned around to face his antagonist.  
  
"Mrreeoowww?"  
  
"You failed my mission!! You'll pay!!"  
  
Sesshy lunged at the furry thing. It yawned and walked aside, causing Sesshy to knock himself nearly senseless into the wall. He left an imprint in the concrete.  
  
"AAUUGHH! You drive me NUTS!! Fight like a true demon you COWARD!!"  
  
Suddenly, Sesshy peered closer at the thing. It. . .it was. .. BLUSHING?!!! WHAT IN THE SEVEN HELLS IS THIS STUPID THING THINKING????!!!"  
  
"Mmrrreeeooowww!!"  
  
The ball of lard suddenly jumped high in the air, and Sesshy followed its path with its eyes. Sweet mother of ogres, it was going to land on him. . . . or not. . . . but wait. . .it was going for. . . THE BOA!!!! NOOOOO!!!!  
  
Sesshy ran around in tiny circles in the bottom of the well. The thing finally landed directly on the tail of his boa, thus clutching at it tightly with its claws.  
  
"AUGH!! NONONONO, MY BABY!! MY PRECIOUS BABY!!!!!"  
  
Sesshy ran around senseless, swinging his precious boa in circles with his antagonist swinging at one end. It had a happy look on its face, looking as if drunk with joy.  
  
"Mrrreeeooww!!"  
  
"STOPIT!! AAAUUUGGGHHHH!!"  
  
"Grandpa!! I think Buyo's in a cat fight!!"  
  
Sesshy suddenly heard voices above him.  
  
"Aauuggh, let 'im go sonny. It'll pass. Once he cools off he'll be a sedentary ball of lard again."  
  
"Right. Can we go to the park?"  
  
"Sure thing sonny. Finish all your homework?"  
  
"Yep!"  
  
The voices went away. The fight proceeded. The thing was now glaring at him from the floor with gleaming eyes.  
  
"Mrreeeooowwww!!"  
  
"GET AWAY!!"  
  
Sesshy suddenly found himself riding up the wall, with the fat thing hard at his heels. How can this stupid thing run so fast without bouncing on all that blubber, gosh dang it?!  
  
Sesshy hadn't been so scared in all his life. The life of his precious boa was in his hands now. He scrambled out the well, and ran head on into the walls of the temple. He turned around and pinned his back to the wall, only to find his antagonist charging at him with the most 'I'm drunk' expression known to man.  
  
"YEEEAAUUGGHH!!!!"  
  
Suddenly, the wall behind him collapsed and he fell backwards. He scrambled up from the dust heap and ran inside. The first thing he saw was a giant, white box with a door handle.  
  
"Good, a door!!"  
  
He ran up to it and threw open the door, only to find several racks inside with weird things lined up. He saw the gleaming eyes coming at him again, so he picked up anything at hand and chucked it in its direction.  
  
Ham thunk  
  
Milk carton crash  
  
Butter roll whap  
  
Cabbage whang  
  
"I can't take it anymore!! Hmm?"  
  
Sesshy suddenly found the little round, brown discs with little dark brown dots on it rather appealing. He shoved one in his mouth and ran for his life.  
  
"Mmmm. . .this is good…!"  
  
He ran into Kagome's room, fetching up a purse and outstretching his arm. With that arm, he scooped up anything within reach. Making a whole bunch of clinking sounds, he shoved it all in the purse and ran into the bathroom. He repeated the process, knocking over the vase of roses and stuffing the air freshener along with all his junk. (Throughout all this, remember he's holding a handful of 'brown-discs-with-dark-brown-dots-in- them', so you've GOTTA give him credit!!) With that he ran back to the first room. There, stood a woman with short, black, and curly hair. She had a startled expression on her face, while holding the stupid antagonist in her arms.  
  
"May I help you?"  
  
Since his mouth was full, he couldn't say anything. He simply shook his head and ran outside. Seconds later, he came running back in to fetch up a packet of ramen. He bowed to the lady pointlessly and scampered out again. Buyo looked sadly out at the retreating figure with his beloved trail of fluff flying out behind him.  
  
  
  
"Sesshy!! You're back!!"  
  
He looked awful. His armor was broken in certain areas, his kimono was torn, his hair looked like it had gotten caught in the blender, etc.  
  
"*huff* huff. . .I'm. .NOT. . .*huff* going to go on errands. . .*huff* for you. . .EVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
She looked up innocently at him. She took the purse from him, in which was in a equally awful state as Sesshy was, and she sat down. She began spreading out her belongings.  
  
"I'm off! I WON'T BE BACK FOR LONG!!!"  
  
With that, he disappeared. Within seconds, he was back.  
  
"By the way, those round disc-thingys were good."  
  
"Huh? You mean. . .YOU ATE THE LAST OF THE CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES?!!! ANSWER MEEE!!"  
  
But he was already gone.  
  
"He ate them all. . .curse him. . ."  
  
She withdrew all that was inside; two tank tops, a pencil, a sheet of loose-leaf paper, five pens, her quilt that was on her bed, a bra (don't ask), two bottles of perfume, mascara, lipstick, air freshener, a piece of a broken vase, a slice of ham, cookie crumbs, a toothbrush, and. . .  
  
"PADS?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Everyone jolted up.  
  
"PADDDDSS????!!! SWEET MOTHER OF DEMONS, WHAT WAS HE THINKING??!! GOING INTO MY PERSONAL THINGS LIKE THAT?!!!"  
  
Thus the day ended. .. .  
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
^-^ Hahahaha, I had soooo much fun with this chapter!! I personally LOVE Sesshomaru, since he's such a cool character. I personally think he's not so much of a bad guy. Hehehehehe, R+R!!!! 


	12. O_o Clean up??

Disclaimer: Rumiko Takahashi owns Inu-Yasha. No suing blahblahblahblah….  
  
A/N: Hihi! Another beautiful Sunday morning! And I'm hyper! (Well, I WAS until my computer froze and I had to retype the stupid disclaimer and A/N again…'') Thank you to all reviewers for reading! I'm pleased that you enjoyed the previous chap. ^-^ Alrighty then, hope you like the next! Wish me luck, and R+R!!  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Inu-yashaaaaa…"  
  
Inu-Yasha grumbled.  
  
"What?"  
  
"…you stink…"  
  
"Oh, THANKS."  
  
"No, literally. YOU SMELL LIKE HORSE DUNG."  
  
Inu-Yasha looked at Kagome irritably.  
  
"No need to get my attention to say that you ignorant mortal…"  
  
"HEY!"  
  
He smirked. Score one.  
  
"You got that term from Sesshy didn't you? My my, siblings and their similarities…"  
  
"I have NO similarities to that freak!"  
  
"Suuurreee…"  
  
"Just shut up, Kagome…"  
  
She suddenly stood up.  
  
"I think I should get you fixed up before dinner, Inu-Yasha. You're going to be my project."  
  
Inu-Yasha suddenly had images of pink ribbons, scrubbing utensils, bobby pins, cologne, and bathtubs. He shrieked and ran into Miroku's arms (princess-style) for what, the third time now? Miroku sighed.  
  
"Ah, my personality! I'm so loved… I'm everybody's best friend-"  
  
Inu-Yasha punched him across the face and had him dropped. Miroku made an imprint in the wooden wall.  
  
"YOU WISH!!"  
  
Miroku twitched madly in the wall. Sango went to help him. And while Inu- Yasha was laughing at how she was trying to peel Miroku's face from the giant dent he made, he suddenly felt himself being pulled backwards by the scruff of his neck. No…no, it can't be!!  
  
"I've got you now, you smelly mutt. I guess Kaede was right when she called you that."  
  
She tossed him into a vat of perfumed water (which all she did was get water from the well and dump her bottle of perfume that Sesshy fetched for her the other day in with it…) and fetched up two brushes. Inu-Yasha meanwhile was two seconds away from dying.  
  
"Air…air…must have air!!!!"  
  
"Shut UP will you? You should be happy that it smells like ME!!"  
  
Inu-Yasha stopped dead in his tracks. THIS is Kagome's scent? He sniffed the water. He suddenly fell silent for the rest of the time.  
  
He finally came out of the vat drenched in perfume.  
  
"Awwies, my puppy smells pretty now!! He smells like me!!"  
  
Kagome grinned at him as she took up the battery-powered hair dryer. He glared at her.  
  
"Ever since WHEN was I branded?"  
  
"Since the time Kaede put that necklace on you that makes you sit when I say-"  
  
"NONO, DON'T SAY IT!"  
  
"-osuwari."  
  
THUNK.  
  
"Great, now I made the FLOOR wet."  
  
"Yaaaa, you DID Inu-Yasha!"  
  
Shippo was sliding around on his paws having the time of his life. Kirara joined him shortly after.  
  
"Why don't you go play with THEM Kagome?"  
  
"Because you SMELL. Now get over here while I dry you up. Hey, Sango- chan?"  
  
Sango turned around from her work. She was still struggling to get Miroku's face out of the wall. She had managed to pry off the rest of his body.  
  
"Yes, Kagome-chan?"  
  
"Do you think you can help me with this?"  
  
She held up a toothbrush and a tube of toothpaste.  
  
"Sure!"  
  
Sango had already been taught how to use the toothbrush, so she figured it should be easy. Hey, she WAS a demon-slayer after all….  
  
"Open wide, Inu-Yasha!"  
  
"NOOOO-garrrugth!!"  
  
Sango had accidentally shoved the wrong end of the toothbrush (the end without the bristles) and stuffed it up the wrong spot.  
  
"Nono, Sango-chan, you put it in his MOUTH."  
  
"Oh yeah!"  
  
She pulled the toothbrush out of poor Inu-Yasha's nostril and shoved the CORRECT end in his mouth. She brushed around a while, and realized she wasn't using any toothpaste. She grabbed the tube and hung his jaw open. She squeezed the tube a bit TOO tightly and a whole glob of strawberry- flavored toothpaste went gushing into his mouth.  
  
"GYAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Toothpaste flew everywhere with that scream.  
  
"INU-YASHA!! OSUWARI!!"  
  
Inu-Yasha sat back down with a thump and Sango proceeded brushing. Kagome took up her hair brush and began stroking his hair with it.  
  
"Arrrr, all these knots Inu-Yasha! You ought to take care of it more!"  
  
Inu-Yasha's painful shrieks were muffled by the toothpaste, and now it was blocking his air tunnel.  
  
"Agggarrrrttthh!!!!!!"  
  
"Hmmm? What is it Inu-Yasha?"  
  
"AAAAAAGGGHHHHHHRRTTHTHTTHHH!!!"  
  
"Speak out! I can't hear you!!"  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHTTTTTTHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
He collapsed to the ground, thrashing toothpaste all over and sprawling out. Shippo and Kirara shuddered and went to hide in the corner. Kagome finally realized what was happening.  
  
"GOOD GRAVY, HE'S CHOKING!! AARRR, CPR! CPR!! HE'S GONNA DIEEEE!!!"  
  
Sango didn't have a CLUE what was going on, and she didn't know what the HECK CPR was, so she just sat there. She watched intently as Kagome rinsed out Inu-Yasha's mouth and she peered inside.  
  
"The toothpaste's clogging his air tunnel! I've gotta do something!"  
  
She bent over, and Sango inched closer to see what she was about to do. She too, bent over for a closer look. Miroku had finally managed to pry his face off the wall by himself and was about to turn around and show Sango his victory when he saw both women bending over Inu-Yasha's head while he was collapsed on the floor. He twitched.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1"  
  
Miroku went charging at Inu-Yasha and stepped on his chest full force. Inu- Yasha's eyes flew open and a jot of pink toothpaste went soaring out of his mouth into Miroku's face hovering above him. A long, deadly pause went by. Inu-Yasha coughed.  
  
"..*cough*…oooggghh…pink…gooey stuff…not..good..*cough*"  
  
Kagome sighed with relief.  
  
"Inu-Yasha, are you ok?"  
  
She held his hand. She could feel his temperature rising as she did so. He didn't respond. She brushed away the bangs from his face, and gazed into the gold eyes.  
  
"I hope clean-up won't be as bad when you grow older, Inu-Yasha. What would your kids say if they saw you?"  
  
Inu-Yasha stared back at her face. He sighed.  
  
Inu-Yasha's thoughts: Kids, eh? Well, if they did saw me I'd…wait, KIDS? WHAT KIDS?  
  
He jolted up in a sitting position and stared at her with a different look.  
  
"Wait, WHAT kids?"  
  
"Im just saying IF you have kids, Inu-Yasha."  
  
He looked around at Shippo in the corner, who was now sleeping.  
  
"One Shippo is enough. I don't want any kids…."  
  
"You never know 'till you mate Inu-Yasha. But let's change the subject now, shall we?"  
  
"Keh."  
  
Kagome opened her mouth to say something when-  
  
"SANGO!! HOW COULD YOU?!!!"  
  
"How could I WHAT?"  
  
"CHEAT ON ME!! HOW COULD YOU CHOOSE HIM OVER ME?!!"  
  
"WHAT IN THE SEVEN DEMONS ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?"  
  
"WHAT ON EARTH WERE YOU DOING WITH INU-YASHA?!!!!"  
  
A long silence went by.  
  
"Miroku…."  
  
Sango spun around to look at Inu-Yasha and Kagome. They appeared to be busy convincing Shippo to help with the clean up in the corner. She turned around to look at Miroku again. She leaned closer and planted a small kiss on his forehead. She blushed as she withdrew. Miroku had a look of pure shock on his face, as if that small kiss had electrocuted him with a thunderbolt.  
  
"I wouldn't choose anyone but you, you freak."  
  
She put her hands on his shoulders. She suddenly began shaking him violently.  
  
"SO STOP GETTING PARANOID!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Miroku smiled down at her, and gave her a small hug. She lightly blushed, and he walked away to help out wiping up the scattered toothpaste.  
  
  
  
Later…..  
  
  
  
"Kagome-chan, what's CPR?"  
  
"Hmm? Well, Sango-chan…"  
  
Kagome had a look as if the explanation was going to take a decade.  
  
"It's when somebody collapses, and you do a process to help them until someone with more experience can come help them."  
  
Sango nodded.  
  
"Can you teach me?"  
  
"Well…."  
  
Kagome looked around the room.  
  
"In my world, we use dolls to practice. But because we don't HAVE anything at the moment….Inu-Yasha, OSUWARI!!"  
  
"WAAUGH!"  
  
THUNK.  
  
Kagome held up the toothpaste with a deadly look.  
  
"Come here, puppy."  
  
Sango grabbed another tube and stepped up to Miroku.  
  
"You're going to be my doll."  
  
She gripped the scruff of his robe and pinned him to the floor.  
  
"Now, say 'AH'!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"NO!! SANGO, PLEASE!! NOOOOOO!!!! INU-YASHA!!"  
  
But Inu-Yasha was in situation likewise.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"  
  
Shippo and Kirara watched the spectacle with pure enjoyment. Both men were choked by now.  
  
"Now, Sango-chan, you jump on the chest!"  
  
"Ok, ready, set-"  
  
THUMP, THUMP  
  
"YEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Aah, this brings back elementary school memories…CPR classes… *snicker* I hope you liked it! R+R!! ^-^ 


	13. HANYOU?!

Disclaimer: Rumiko Takahashi owns all of Inu-Yasha and its characters.  
  
A/N: Yay! Fanfiction.net ain't down anymore! Wheeee! Time to write again! And thank you to all those new reviewers! And as an extra, here's a few shout outs:  
  
Noodals/Momodals: Momodals all the way, dude! Whee!!  
  
Chibiukyo: Thanks for the support, mah sistah!! 'luv your ideas!  
  
Ardicana: Thanks for all the reviews and encouragement! Fans like you are AWESOME!  
  
All you friends on the islands of paradise: I love you all! I MISS YOU!!!!!!!!!  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Inu-Yasha, where are the rest of my potato chips?"  
  
Inu-Yasha looked up from the packet of ramen Sesshomaru had brought him. The crunchy noises subsided. He shrugged. He innocently pointed at his stomach. Kagome sighed.  
  
"Demon number one eats all of my chocolate chip cookies, hanyou number one eats all my potato chips…"  
  
Inu-Yasha grumbled from the corner. Kagome halted for a second.  
  
"Chocolate? I wonder…..Sesshy…."  
  
"UUULLAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Sesshomaru came barging in from the ceiling, not bothering to do his spectacular landing with the wisp of the boa and all. His face left an imprint in the floor, thus a crater was born. Inu-Yasha prodded him with his finger.  
  
"Yo Sesshy, you dead yet?"  
  
Inu-Yasha received a fist in the kisser from the sedentary body of the dog demon.  
  
"Urrgghhh….."  
  
Kagome rushed to his side.  
  
"Sesshy, what's wrong?"  
  
"Uaaarrrgghh….."  
  
She turned him over. He looked like a mere fish with his skin looking green…;;  
  
"Sesshy? I thought so…."  
  
Inu-Yasha grumbled.  
  
"What happened to him?"  
  
"He ate chocolate…."  
  
"Whaddat?"  
  
Kagome looked a bit irritated.  
  
"It's made out of this certain nut, Inu-Yasha."  
  
"Nuts? But he IS a nut."  
  
"Nono, LITERALLY. CHOCOLATE IS MADE OUT OF NUTS."  
  
"Oh……. But he still IS a nut! His brain's the size of a lima bean!"  
  
"Lima beans aren't nuts, Inu-Yasha."  
  
"WHATEVER! DO SOMETHING WITH HIM!!"  
  
Kagome rummaged around her pack, looking for anything useful. It seemed like the air tank was the only option at the moment. Right then, Myooga came jumping in.  
  
"Inu-Yasha-sama! There's something terribly wrong!!"  
  
"Myooga-jijii? What's that?"  
  
"LOOK!"  
  
The group looked, and gasped. The tetsuseiga, Sesshy's sword who brought the dead to life, was gone!  
  
"But what has THAT got to do with anything?!!"  
  
"Inu-Yasha-sama, there's a deadly secret I must tell you."  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"Well…your brother..he…"  
  
"He?"  
  
"He……."  
  
"HE?"  
  
"He's not full demon….."  
  
GASP  
  
"WHAT?!!"  
  
"It's true."  
  
"Then what blood does he posess on the other side?"  
  
"I fear of telling you, my friends."  
  
"We've gotta know!!!!"  
  
"Then brace yourselves, for he is HALF FELINE!!!!"  
  
pause……  
  
"Then….then…that means….."  
  
Kagome stammered. This couldn't be happening.  
  
"Without the tetsuseiga at his side, his feline blood will boil, and his heart will be conquered immediately by hairballs if YOU DON'T DO SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
GASP  
  
"No way!!"  
  
"Yes, it's true."  
  
"What can we do?"  
  
"Well-""  
  
"Mreow?"  
  
The group sat dead still. Could it be?  
  
Sesshomaru was rubbing his head against Kirara, who was in full demon form. He appeared to be purring.  
  
"purrrr….purrrrrrr…."  
  
Inu-Yasha couldn't help it.  
  
"BUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA!!! HANYOU-KITTY!!! BUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Inu-Yasha, this is no time for laughing!"  
  
Sesshy faced Inu-Yasha, and immediately proceeded with a few hissy fits.  
  
"HISsssssssssss………"  
  
"C'mere kitty, and I'll show you what SUMO WRESTLING IS ALL ABOUT!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Sesshy lunged at him, outstretching his nails for a scratch. But suddenly, the nails folded in his hands, and Sesshy landed in Inu-Yasha's arms princess style.  
  
"Puurrrrrrrr……."  
  
Shocked, the hanyou dropped his brother in Kagome's new oden pot, which had been sitting there right in front of him. Sesshy didn't find that pleasant.  
  
"HISSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!"  
  
"I have no interest in you!! YOU'RE MY BROTHER FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!"  
  
"HIIISSSSSSsssssss…..mreow?"  
  
Sesshy resumed to his innocent kitty look and began to lick himself. Inu- Yasha took up his boa, which was cast aside, and held it up in his face.  
  
"Heerreee, kitty kitty kitty…."  
  
"MREOW!!"  
  
Sesshy's cheeks blushed red and it suddenly turned into the 'I'm drunk' expression. He was drunk with joy.  
  
"puurrrrrr…"  
  
He shred his boa to bits, enjoying every part of it. As he rolled around the floor, Inu-Yasha kindled a fire, and slowly lit one end of the boa with flame. He grinned. Kagome was shocked.  
  
"Inu-YASHA! What are you doing??"  
  
"It's called, 'setting up entertainment'."  
  
"No kidding…"  
  
The little flame crawled up the boa, and it was half way up its path when Sesshy saw it.  
  
"Mreow?"  
  
He sniffed it. Then ate it…..  
  
"Mreo-MREOW!!!!"  
  
Sesshy ran around the room on four legs in a frenzy. He knocked himself into Kagome's backpack and the nailpolish remover came out. The bottle opened, and Sesshy tripped on the liquid, thus reaching his mouth on flame. Kagome screamed.  
  
"SESSHY, THAT'S-"  
  
"MRRREEOOOWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Inu-Yasha finished her sentence.  
  
"…flammable?"  
  
Sango called out from all the chaos. She had managed to pin Sesshy to the floor, and he was thrashing under her grasp.  
  
"KAGOME-CHAN!! HOW DO I GIVE CPR TO A PATIENT WHO'S MOUTH'S ON FIRE??!!!!"  
  
"DON'T ASK MEEE!!!"  
  
Then, Kagome saw the worst thing in her life. Sango bent over and did the process. CPR…  
  
"SANGO-CHAN, YOU IDIOT!!!!!"  
  
"KKYYAAAAAAAA!!!!!"  
  
Sango immediately withdrew from Sesshy. Miroku rushed to her side.  
  
"SANGO!!"  
  
Sesshy proceeded with his running again. This time, he collided with Kirara. In her mouth was the tetsuseiga. Everything went silent. Sesshy shook himself, and the normal Sesshy-like expression came back to him. But of course it took some time for him to realize that-  
  
"MAH MOUTH!!!!!!"  
  
And as he bellowed, Kirara sneezed. The air that blew out put the fire out in two seconds.  
  
Kirara: *sniff*  
  
"Bless you, Kirara."  
  
"Myew?"  
  
  
  
Thus, it was decided that Sesshy would stay with them for the rest of the month due to his conditions. It would probably be impossible for even little Rin to take care of his 'dental problems'. Kagome had managed to wrap Sesshy's head up like a mummy. It was a sad sight.;;  
  
Thus another day went by…………  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Yes, it was a short chapter. Well, I decided to have more fun with Sesshy, since readers seem to enjoy his acts in this fic. ^^ I'll be sure to make him do more stuff, so no worries. Hope you liked the chap! And also…  
  
For those who know Noodals, (The author of "Turmoil comes in many ways…but in tents?"), we are you doing a joint fic called 'Xagents' and I highly recommend that you at least CHECK IT OUT PLEASEE!!!! That would certainly be lovely. ^^ If you do, reviewing would take it another step farther. ^^ OK? Check it out!! 


	14. chicken!!

Disclaimer: Rumiko Takahashi is the owner of Inu-Yasha and all of its characters. I'd hate to be sued…so don't….  
  
A/N: Hello! This is my first fanfic ever! And to think I've gotten all the way up to chapter 14!! *Sigh* Things happen. I'm thinking about ending this fic once I reach 20 chapters, HOWEVER, if you people keep reviewing there's a good chance I will extend it. Shall I continue? Or shall I end this fic forever?? MUAHAHAHAHA, R+R to vote! Which will win??  
  
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"CHICKEN!!!!!!"  
  
The group jolted at Kagome's cry. Inu-Yasha flinched at the word. Ever since the duck incident, he had developed paranoia for anything feathered. He recalled getting himself stuck in the kamado (little cave-like thing to cook rice) trying to hide from Kagome's feather duster. It was quite tragic for him.  
  
"GYYAAA, WHERE?"  
  
"HERE!!"  
  
Kagome held up a squacking chicken.  
  
"PUCK-PUCK-PUCKWAA!!"  
  
"GGGYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!"  
  
Inu-Yasha ran away and crawled up Miroku, consequently clutching at the monk's head while sitting on his shoulders. Miroku sighed.  
  
"Awweee, it's okay puppy! Mr. Chicken won't eat you like Mr. Ducky did, right?"  
  
Miroku pointed a finger at the chicken, and-  
  
"AUGH!!"  
  
The chicken DID bite him. Now poor Miroku was running around the room with a chicken dangling from his finger with Inu-Yasha still clutching at his head like there was no tomorrow while resting on his shoulders. The hanyou's hands were covering the poor monk's eyes.  
  
Miroku: "GYAAAAAAAA!! KILLER CHICKEN!! HELP! CHICKEN! HELP! CHICKEN! HELP!!!!! GYAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!"  
  
Inu-Yasha: "STUPID MONK, GET THE CHICKEN AWAY FROM MEE!!"  
  
Miroku: "WELL DON'T JUST SIT THERE!! EAT IT!! KILL IT!! DO SOMETHING!!"  
  
Inu-Yasha: "STOP RUNNING AROUND, I'M GETTING DIZZY!!!!!"  
  
Miroku: "I CAN'T SEE!! I CAN'T SEE!!! YAAAAA!!"  
  
Kagome: "INU-YASHA, OSUWARI!!!"  
  
THAT was a mistake. With Inu-Yasha still clutching at Miroku, he took him down with him, and thus ANOTHER crater was born. The chicken proceeded with pecking at the monk's eyeballs. Sango laughed.  
  
"It's better then having your nose being devoured like last time, eh?"  
  
*Refer to chapter 2 (or was it 3? I forgot…;;)*  
  
"AAAAAAAHHH!!!"  
  
Sango struggled getting the chicken off him. Kagome turned to look at Inu- Yasha and gasped. His eyes were bulging, and his veins were visible. He looked like he had gotten himself to be a psychopath.  
  
"C-C-C-CHICKEN!!!!!!"  
  
"INU-YASHA, NOOOO!!!"  
  
Inu-Yasha lunged into the air, and Kagome shut her eyes. Behind her, she could hear Sango sounding shocked.  
  
"The chicken!! It vanished!!"  
  
Then Miroku's voice was heard.  
  
"It is? Well Inu-Yasha, it looks like-YAAAAAAAHHH!!"  
  
Kagome opened her eyes and turned around. Inu-Yasha came thudding down beside Miroku, who was on the floor. He suddenly grinned.  
  
"PUCK-PUCK-PUCKAWWEE!!"  
  
There was a silence. Inu-Yasha had his hands behind his back, his head cocked forward, and was clucking.  
  
"PUCK-PUCK-PUCKAWWEE!!! PUCK-AWWEEE!!"  
  
Miroku shook himself from his daze and picked Sango up princess-style. (Awwiies!! ^^) He jumped as Inu-Yasha came lunging at them head on, clucking like mad.  
  
"What's happened to him????!!"  
  
"He's being possessed!! Miroku-sama, he's coming again!!"  
  
Again, the monk leapt away. Sango began hollering directions in his ear.  
  
"GO FOR THE WALL!! RUN AT IT!!"  
  
"ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME COMMIT SUICIDE??!!"  
  
"JUST DO IT!!"  
  
Miroku ran at the wall obediently, still carrying Sango in his arms. He was meters away from it now.  
  
"NOW TURN LEFT!!! LEFT YOU IDIOT!! TURN LEEEFFTT!!!!"  
  
"TOO LAAAAAAATTTTEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Sango jumped out of his arms before they went colliding into the wall, thus adding a new imprint to the ever-growing collection. Sango leapt back down and dragged the monk off the wall. She barely made it before Inu-Yasha came bombarding into them.  
  
"PUCK-AWWEEEEEEE!!!!!!"  
  
WHAM  
  
ANOTHER imprint was made. Sango and Miroku breathed breathlessly on the floor, waiting for the hanyou to relieve himself of his trance. Inu-Yasha slid down to the floor like a sheet of paper glued to the walls with water.  
  
"…puck-awwweee….."  
  
Kagome ran to his side, and checked his pulse.  
  
"He's alive, it's ok."  
  
Sango and Miroku breathed out in relief, and went to the corner to rest. Kagome took Inu-Yasha's head and placed it in her lap. She stroked his hair out of his face delicately with her smooth fingers.  
  
"Inu-Yasha….."  
  
His eyes opened up slowly, revealing their golden shade.  
  
"Kagome…?"  
  
She exhaled. He wasn't possessed!  
  
"Inu-Yasha, do you remember anything?"  
  
"…no…."  
  
"Good. Because I don't think you want to know-"  
  
"INU-YASHA!! WHAT HAPPENED TO THE CHICKEN DANCE??"  
  
Shippo came dancing along to his side. Inu-Yasha's eyes buldged.  
  
"CHICKEN DANCE?!!!!"  
  
"YAA!! YOU GOTTA DO IT AGAIN!! IT'S LIKE THE REMIX OF THE PANTSY ONE!!!"  
  
Inu-Yasha whipped up to look at Kagome.  
  
"OK, WHAT happened?!"  
  
Kagome cuffed her hand over Shippo's mouth and grinned sheepishly.  
  
"NOTHING!! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!!"  
  
"…you SURE now…?"  
  
"YES!! JUST SLEEP!! YEA, JUST SLEEP!!"  
  
She clutched his ears and pushed them down to her lap. He winced.  
  
"BUT-"  
  
"SLEEP!!"  
  
She knocked his head with a blow and he lay limp, swirly eyed. Kagome slowly placed his head on the floor and went to Sango and Miroku.  
  
"Where's the demon? I don't see where it went after it got out of Inu- Yasha!!"  
  
Right then, she got shivers up her spine. If none of them were possessed, that meant-  
  
"Puckawwee?"  
  
She slowly turned around to face Sesshy.  
  
"GYYAAAA!! MIROKU-SAMA, KILL IT!! KILL IT BEFORE THIS STUPID POSESSED KITTY-HANYOU EATS ME!!!!"  
  
"I-I-I….BWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA!!"  
  
"WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING FOR? THIS ISN'T FUNNY!!"  
  
"OF COURSE IT IS!!"  
  
Sesshy ran away waddling, and walked up to the unconscious Inu-Yasha. He pecked at him.  
  
"Puck-awwee?"  
  
"Mmmm?"  
  
Inu-Yasha opened his eyes, to see another pair of golden eyes staring down at him.  
  
"SESSHOMARU!!"  
  
He punched him across the face and he went soaring into the kamado. Inu- Yasha screamed at him.  
  
"WHAT'S UP WITH THE CHICKENS?! IF ANYONE'S GOING TO BE DOING THAT STUPID CHICKEN DANCE, IT'S GONNA BE YOU!!!!!!"  
  
Inu-Yasha grabbed a demon scroll out of Miroku's hand and chucked it at Sesshy's face. The chicken came out of his body, and Sesshy lay limp on the floor.  
  
"PUCK-AWWEEE!! HOW DARE YOU!!"  
  
"GYAA!!"  
  
Inu-Yasha ran behind Kagome.  
  
"TALKING CHICKEN!! I CAN'T STAND TALKING CHICKEN!! GOOD GRIEF, THIS IS WORSE THEN THE STUPID FEATHERDUSTER!! SWEET DEMONS, HELP ME!!"  
  
"Inu-Yasha, IT'S A CHICKEN."  
  
"I DON'T CARE!! IT'S A CHICKEN!! AND IT'S GOING TO EAT ME!!"  
  
Kagome sighed and pulled out a houchou (Japanese cooking knife). She chucked at the chicken, missing by millimeters. It squacked.  
  
"STOP! I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY!"  
  
A familiar figure came leaping onto Kagome's hand. Myooga….  
  
"I'm sorry there, old people want some fun too you know?"  
  
She slapped him with her other hand, and he lay squished.  
  
Thus it turns out, Myooga had possessed the chicken, who possessed Inu- Yasha AND Sesshomaru. The hanyou was furious.  
  
"YOU BLOODY INSECT!! I'M GONNA SKIN YOU ALIVE, IF YOU HAVE ANY!!"  
  
"SHUT YOUR MOUTH, YOU MUTT!! I'M GONNA POSESS A WOMAN NEXT TIME IF YOU DON'T WATCH IT!!"  
  
"A WOMAN? Can I have some requests?"  
  
Sango punched him for that. Inu-Yasha wasn't pleased.  
  
"I WANNA SEE YOU TRY!! IF YOU THINK SOME SORT OF FEMALE IS STRONG ENOUGH TO POSESS ME I'LL-"  
  
"Inu-Yasha, OSUWARI."  
  
THUNK.  
  
Myooga laughed.  
  
"I think I have some ideas going on here…."  
  
Kagome glared at him.  
  
"Don't you DARE."  
  
"MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA, YOU'LL NEVER KNOW MY GIRL!! YOU'LL NEVER KNOW!! FOR A DEMON LIKE ME, 'TIS ALWAYS EASY TO POSESS!! NYAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!"  
  
  
  
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*phew*! My, I think I'm draining out of ideas here! That took me QUITE a lot of draining to make it humorous. ^^'' Alright, I could use some reviews!! Shall this fic be ended? Or shall it be extended? R+R to vote!! 


	15. Slight fear (some seriousness...not TOO ...

Disclaimer: IY ain't mine, thank you. Rumiko Takahashi is the proud and happy owner.  
  
A/N: LONG TIME NO UPLOAD!! SORRY!! For those that don't know yet, I've been working on my new fanfic, entitled 'The IY Bloopers!' obviously by Momori. ^-^ I've had a lot of fun writing that one, and as for the flow of reviews, it's been going GREAT. So I hope you all go on and check it out! Okay, that's it for now. Today will be featuring some Sango/Miroku coupling! ^-^ Enjoy!  
  
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"Miroku-sama, I need those scallions chopped. Can you help me?"  
"An easy task, Kagome-sama. I'll do it right now."  
"Thanks."  
Kagome hummed as she swished her hand around in the bowl of water containing four cups worth of rice.   
"Oi, Kagome!"  
Inu-Yasha was in front of the burnt out fire, sowing up a hole made in his pants. (HAHA! I love that image!!!)  
"What, Inu-Yasha?"  
"Do we have any meat?"  
".....YOU THINK?"  
IY looked around stupidly.  
"No?"  
Kagome sighed.  
"Considering how CHICKEN you are about CHICKEN, would your FEATHER BRAIN turn its thoughts towards having BIRD MEAT in this HUT?"  
Inu-Yasha suddenly stood up angrily.  
"What's so wrong about my fear for bir-"  
SLOOSH!!  
"........"  
Miroku broke the uneasy silence.  
"Inu-Yasha, you just stepped in Kagome-sama's bowl of cleaned ric-"  
"LIKE I WOULDN'T NOTICE?!!"  
"That just makes the conversation a little faster. If you've now realized that you have your foot in KAGOME-SAMA'S bowl of rice, which she's been cleaning for the last forty-five minutes...."  
But the monk's words were a BIT too late........  
"INU-YASHAAAA~!!!!!"  
Kagome stood up like a lightening bolt, holding up a saucepan full of hot miso soup with a combination of tofu remnants....  
Inu-Yasha: Oh CRAP!!  
Miroku bowed his head in prayer.  
"May Buddha be kind....."  
With a jolt, she sprinted across the room, leaving Sesshy in a heap of white fluff that'd looked like it'd been trampled by a stampede of wild boars... Miroku was in a similar state. She latched her open hand onto Inu-Yasha's collar from behind, and pulled him towards her with a violent tug. That 'violent tug' was...well...even SLIGHTLY stronger than Inu-Yasha's forceful pull needed when pulling out the Tetsusaiga, so thus he went soaring across the other side of the room, and Kagome found herself dumping (not to mention spoiling) a good, hot pot of miso soup onto the head of a particular monk who had been quietly celebrating the fact that he'd managed to sit UP again after being smashed under the weight of a 110 lbs teenage girl...  
Kagome screamed.  
"AUGH!!"  
But her scream was nothing compared to Miroku's yammering and the banging of his head onto the floor from all the heat that'd just been dumped onto his head. It was as if his hair was on fire.  
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"  
Sango awoke to a rhythmic 'THUMP' against the floor from her nap, and she opened her eyes to see a big black wad of hair in front of her face, hammering up and down against the floor and approaching her head closer and closer by the inch. Shocked, her right hand reached for her Hiraikotsu. Kagome noticed perhaps....a LITTLE too late...  
"Sango-chan, NO!!"  
"HIRAIKOTSU!!!"  
The rhythm of 'THUMPS' ended with a large 'CLUNK', and thus lay the unconscious body of a monk in front of her. Kagome shuddered.  
"Uh oh......"  
Sango sat dazed for a second, then suddenly threw a scream overhead and clambered over the body of Miroku.  
"MIROKU!!"  
No reply came from his mouth.  
"Miroku, talk to me!!!"  
Kagome came to take his pulse.  
"He's not breathing....."  
She saw tears well into Sango's eyes, and she felt one of the demon fighter's hands push her gently away from Miroku.  
"Give me a little room."  
"Sango-chan, what are you-"  
She bent over his corpse(?) and lifted his chin higher, and with that she slowly pressed her lips against his. Kagome nearly fainted. She clamped her hand over her mouth to keep her from screaming.  
"AAMMFF!!!"  
Right then, Inu-Yasha had managed to pull his legs out of the wall. And as he was about to turn his head, a heavy body came thudding onto him from above and he found himself pinned to the floor. He heard a voice above his head.  
"THIS IS NOT SUITABLE FOR IMMATURE VIEWERS!!"  
"SESSHY!! GEROFF!!!"  
Sesshy hissed at him.  
"SHUT UP!! This is a romantic moment!!"  
"I can't....breath...."  
Sesshy perhaps ended Inu-Yasha's suffering temporarily by concluding his consciousness just for the moment. With a thunk of the fist, Inu-Yasha lay swirly eyed on the floor with Sesshy crouching on top of him. Kagome got slightly worried.  
"You didn't KILL him did you?"  
"I used to hit him harder when he was a little tike."  
"What happened then?"  
"He'd usually fly into the lake and wouldn't come out for the next couple of...hmm...weeks?"  
Kagome shuddered. Sibling abuse.....  
  
Meanwhile, Sango continuously proceeded with the process of CPR on Miroku, just as Kagome had taught her. Toothpaste down the throat obviously wasn't going to work...perhaps cement...? But no, that was a joke...or was it? She couldn't remember.   
"C'mon Miroku, open your eyes!! I kissed you for heavens sake, you should be celebrating right now!!! Talk to me!!"  
The monk's eyes remained closed.  
Tears began to well up once again, and Sango found herself unable to hold them back. She crouched over his body for just one more time, and she found her lips pressed against his for the second time, breathing air into his mouth in hopes of bringing him alive again. But she felt faint, since this was but her first kiss, sort of, and to do it twice in a row seem to tire her out.... Does kissing always make you light headed like this? Well if it did, she knew that she wouldn't do it too often if she ever got married...or got a boyfriend....   
Behind her, Sango heard Kagome's voice.  
"The trick Sango, the trick!!"  
Feeling weary, Sango stood up. Her vision began to blur, but her legs lasted. Inu-Yasha looked up, gaining consciousness once again, and opened his mouth to gasp when he saw Sango standing up, preparing to do something...though he knew not what. Sesshy immediately covered his mouth again and began slapping his head.  
"Sleep! SLEEP!!"  
"IDIOT!! Miroku's dying!! GET OFF!!!"  
"SHUT UP!! CAN'T YOU SEE THIS IS A DRAMATIC, ROMANTIC, ROMEO AND JULIET KINDA MOMENT?!!"  
"Sesshy, what he heck is Romeo and Juliet?"  
"That's not my point you dimwit!! SLEEP!"  
With another thunk, Inu-Yasha lay unconscious once again.  
  
But right then, Sango leapt.....onto the body of her beloved, as she aimed for his stomach.......  
  
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AND YOU THINK IT'S OVER!!! No it's not, just wanted to scare you there.....keep reading...  
  
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With that leap, her feet came in contact with his stomach, and life seem to enter the monk once again. Of course, after a long, unpleasant  
"BUUUURRRRRRRPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!"  
"MIROKU!!"  
"*cough* Sorry....air kinda got clogged in my throat. *cough* Been trying to let it out for the past six hours....."  
But as he looked over, he saw tears in Sango's eyes, and her hands trembled.  
"Sango....?"  
  
  
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Okay, that's it for now. Kind of a filler episode, and perhaps it wasn't meant to be exactly funny, but I just wanted to add some seriousness in it. I hope you found the areas that were MEANT to be funny 'funny' though.. ^-^'' Anyway, R&R!! Keep reading to find out what Sango says to Miroku NEXT on...ONAKASUITENAI~!!! 


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